Old Adages "Totally Preposterous"
A University professor has challenged the old adage that "the pen is mightier than the sword", and claimed that there may be hundreds of other such anomalies in the English language. Professor Harry Pedant, of Warwick, told anyone who would listen...
Read full storyNew game from Ford to boost car sales
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down a lot of percentage points, Ford of Dagenham have unveiled a great new contest to spur on purchasees of their cars. The new Ford Instant-Win Airbag Game has been launched.
Read full storyThe Steddyeddy Awards to Industry
These are the special "Value for Money" awards you have been waiting for - Steddyeddy's dedication to those businesses/organisations who in turn are solidly dedicated to .......... ripping you, their public, off. Of course, the main people to blame for the high prices are people like YOU, people who pay silly prices for silly things, allowing companies and firms to overcharge and provide extremely...
Read full storyDefinitions beginning with "S"
Definitions - "S" "Social Diarist" - over-egoed and seriously rich and seriously minor Celeb who obtains their own column in a prominent position within one of the high circulation newspapers. Quite obviously didn't get the job through either literary or journalistic talents - either daddy is extremely top-heavy wallet-wise, they know a thing or two about casting couches, they were slung out o...
Read full story'Too old' Selina Scott sues Porn Mag for £1million
Wannabee soft porn star Selina Scott is fighting for up to £1million in compensation from a softcore men's publications, claiming her pictures were rejected because she was too old. Mrs Scott 76, says she has been sending pictures of herself in th...
Read full storyGordon Brown condemns organ donation
Prime Minister Gordon Brown shocked the nation today by speaking out firmly against organ donation. In an attack which received no support whatsoever from any of his cabinet colleagues, members of the ordinary Labour party, old Labour, Dennis Skin...
Read full storyCruise Reveals Deepest Darkest Fear
Earlier today, Tom Cruise revealed to HNN what scares him the most. Cruise explained how he deeply fears the possibility of there being a Flux in the Time-Space Continuum. For example, if Tom was about to cross his residential street. Now, althou...
Read full storySex Goddess VP, Choice Of Hottie Palin by GOP, Causes HIGH VOLTAGE Amongst U.S. Males!
I'll trade you one Willie Mays for one Jackie Robinson. Some of you guys around 60 can remember those exciting baseball days when the Yankees kept beating the Dodgers in the Series and it was common to throw cards against a wall to win the other guys...
Read full storyJeremy Kyle Gets Axed
Plans have been announced to pull The Jeremy Kyle Show after a sudden drop in ratings. The show first aired in July 2005 and quickly became one of the UK's most popular daytime talk shows. The programme was renowned for its confrontational approa...
Read full storyMcCain coronary imminent for Thursday's Virgo Sun/Saturn conjunction trine Jupiter
St Paul, Minnesota - (RIP Mess): The GOP's McCain/Palin schmoozefest will end in calamity according to UK Hellfire Club sky watchers. The prediction is based on the sky's starry pattern where the Sun and Saturn meet at 2am GMT this Thursday, just...
Read full storyNewcastle United Fans Declare War On Mike Ashley
Newcastle United fans, angry at the decision to upset manager Kevin Keegan, have held an emergency meeting of the Toon Army, and have declared war on club owner Mike Ashley. The Army, which is 400,000 strong, has been mobilised, and, as its initia...
Read full storyEA finally launches 'Spore' - creationists refute its existence
Electronic Arts (EA) has finally launched the long-awaited videogame 'Spore' to the delight of gamers worldwide. Creationists however are not so happy. "This game is apparently all about Evolution so we have decided to deny its existence" said pro...
Read full storySupermarket In Cake Scandal
A leading supermarket has been forced to remove a large amount of cakes, fancies and pies from their shelves. The drastic move is the result of a Trading Standards investigation, following rumours that counterfeit goods have infiltrated high-stre...
Read full storyGustav was secret MI5 codename for Al-Qaeda/Mossad double agent J K Rowling
London - (Ass mess): Whitehall mandarins are said to be rattled-as-hell after a newpaper revealed that Gustav - the eponymous (sic) Caribbean storm - is MI5's secret codename for Al-QaEda/Mossad double agent, a.k.a J K Rowling. The Scottish childr...
Read full storyBritish Bulldogs To Be Olympic 2012 Event
Lord Sebastian & Co., the Chair of the London Organising Committee of the London Olympic and Paralympic Games has announced in a statement the new sports that will be included in the 2012 London Games. Of primary interest to people in this cou...
Read full storyOminous St Paul craft buzzed Bush's Scareforce One
St Paul, Minnesota - (Rabid Ass Mess): George W Bush's live viedolink address before the GOP convention was the result of a panic reaction following unprecedented UFO activity over the St Paul area during the weekend. Pentagon officials decided th...
Read full storyIrish Boy sues mother for naming him Harry Dick
HNN NEWS REPORTS Mrs Roda Dick stands the chance of possible jail time if she if found guilty of the charges pressed against her by her 13 year old son Harry Dick. Harry claims that his mother legally changed his name to Harry when he was 10 to pu...
Read full storyAlaska Secedes From The Union
Juneau AK-- The forty-ninth state abruptly seceded from the United States today. The Alaskan state legislature voted unanimously to leave the union. Sarah Palin will be sworn in as the first president of the Republic of Alaska in a noontime ceremony...
Read full storyBristol Palin inseminated aboard test tube-shaped UFO after joining Scientology
Juneau, Alaska - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Governor Sarah Palin's 17 year-old daughter conceived on board an unmarked test tube-shaped UFO above Wasilla two days after her own mother gave birth to a sibling on April 19. Bristol, named after UK co...
Read full storyBring Back the Bush Days Rally Occurs in the Midwest
Chicago IL, January 20, 2011: The windy city was home to a Bring Back the Bush Days rally, as thousands of people peacefully marched through the downtown area. After narrowly defeating Senator McCain in the 2008 general election, President Obama now...
Read full storyOver 65% of Men Will Suffer more than 5 bouts of testicle trauma during their lifetime!
HNN REPORTS Recent studies have revealed that the average young man will experience at least 5 major bouts of testicle trauma during the span of his lifetime. Master Baite of the G&G (Genitalia and Genital Foundation) is giving out free check...
Read full storyAuf Wiedersehen Pet
Affable and extremely likeable Gay Icon, Kevin Keegan (Kev) has today announced he will be holding a farewell concert, billed as ¨ Auf Wiedersehen Pet¨ at St James's Park on Saturday night. Kev issued a statement ¨I love Newcastle United, I really...
Read full storyAmerican Elections Not Childish Soap Opera Crap, Says Oprah
Chat show queen Oprah Winfrey today claimed that American elections are not dumb childish soap operas. At a special exclusive show, filmed live before a carefully scripted audience, she said: 'OK, today we have 2 people who claim - despite all th...
Read full storyJames Bond embarrased by gaffes
Fictional spy James Bond is said to be embarassed by the number of weak puns and quips he has made in his life. The super smooth agent, with a license to kill, a penchant for Martinis, shaken and not stirred, and an eye for the ladies is said to b...
Read full storyPope discovered reading Harry Potter books
In a shocking act of betrayal to Christianity the Pope was yesterday discovered reading "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Although he tried to cover up his unChristian deed Cardinal Smith was having none of it. "I knocked on the door to h...
Read full storyBig Brother: New Racism Allegations
There was more controversy at the Big Brother house today, with new racism allegations flying about as Mohamed and Kathreya became the latest non-white housemates to be evicted. Kathreya, from Thailand, and Mohamed, from Somalia, were evicted last...
Read full storyKevin Keegan: Business As Usual
After yesterday's shenanigans on Tyneside, and the uncertainty over whether Kevin Keegan had been sacked or had walked out, it emerged today that absolutely NOTHING had happened, and Mr Keegan will report for work as usual this morning. Fans conve...
Read full storyMcCain to be Grandfather and Father to Palin's daughter's twins!
In yet another incredible combination and permutation to the McCain- Sarah Palin- Bristol Palin soap opera, Republican candie Johnny McC appears to have fathered with arm candy VP candie Sarah Palin. But that child was really the fetus from Mccai...
Read full storyLaura Bush Tells RNC: W is a Big Zero!
Always the loyal and supportive wife, first lady Librarian Laura Bush reached her breaking point at the Republican National Convention. Mrs Bush seemed to find ole W's avoidance of the convention, first to be with the Gustav refugees in Texas and...
Read full storyMore than 4,000 US Soldiers Drop Dead without a Standing Ovation
Millions of Americans wonder why one deceased US soldier received a 5 minute standing ovation at the RNC while thousands have died silent and invisible. "Somehow the idea that it is who you know is not an adequate explanation for this anomaly," I...
Read full storySt George W Bush Weeping Icon Appears at RNC!
Across the religious and superstitious world of faith and hocus pocus, weeping icons from Russia to Mexico have attracted flocks of pilgrims in search of a miracle. Despite the deep religiosity and medieval superstitions of American Republicans, few...
Read full storyIraqi War Dead Suddenly Able to be Seen at RNC!
Spoofster Pointer has written about the strange inability to photograph Iraqi War dead. Even more bizarre is the development at their Republican national Convention where US war dead coffins suddenly became visible. All attempts at the depictio...
Read full storyJerry Lewis Telethon Allowed to Spill Over to RNC!
The multiple sob stories that demean Persons with Cerebral Palsy by Jerry Lewis' interminable Belabored Weekend Telethon has been allowed this year to spill over into the Republican National Convention. Hurricane Gustav and the impending doom of N...
Read full story