Wall Street bailout delayed in dispute over whose face should be on the One Trillion-Dollar Bill: Mr. Monopoly, Alfred E. Neuman or Bush
Washington, DC - Since Friday, after Bush authorized the U.S. Treasury Dept. to print the nation's first-time ever one trillion-dollar bill to bailout Wall Street robber barons, Republicans and Democrats have been meeting behind closed doors, negotia...
Read full story'So-called Sexist' British toilet humour is making welcome return back to UK screens
Over-paid TV bosses have finally listened to the public and have agreed to bring back "titty humour'. In a bid to boost the ratings of flagging TV programmes the ludicrous 'political correctness' ban has now been lifted. 'TV Dross' Pitiful 'rea...
Read full storyMcCain Breaks Down And Agrees To Take And Has Crash Computer Training
Throughout the primary season, but, especially, as the Presidential race winds down to November 4, 2008, the big day of decision, John McCain has been the butt of every sort of computer joke. Just recently, a brilliant hacker's release of much or...
Read full storyHarry Potter To Become New Labour Minister For Magic
Harry Potter, the JK Rowling creation, is to become the new Labour Minister for Magic, after the authoress made a huge £1million donation to party funds on Friday. Potter is a little lad magician, and prone to performing magic spells, something Pr...
Read full storyManchester City Owners Disapponted With Lack Of Goals
Manchester City, the richest football club in the world, gave their long-suffering fans a taste of things to come today when they trounced Portsmouth 6-0, but the Sky Blues' new Arab owner claimed he was disappointed that his acquisition hadn't score...
Read full storyHull City Ripped Off By Nutcase Linesman
Hull City have made an official complaint to the FA and the Professional Game Match Officials Board (PGMOB) after Everton were awarded a 'goal which was not a goal' in the Premiership 2-2 draw at the KC Stadium this afternoon. Trailing 2-0, Everto...
Read full storyBoris suggests second airport to replace Gatwick be located in Merseyside
Hot on the heels of a Thames Estuary airport to replace Heathrow, Boris Johnson, the affable Mayor of London, has suggested that a second London airport to replace Gatwick should be built off the coast in Merseyside. He said: "Having insulted the...
Read full storyParis Hilton Rescues Wall Street
New Yawk, NY-- Paris Hilton heard about the crisis on Wall Street and devised a plan to strengthen the fragile economy. The vixenish virtuoso has had a very busy year. She created and built the LHC early in the Spring. She won gold medals in every ev...
Read full storyRacist Ghosts hound Millionaire out of mansion
It is said that "An Englishman's home is his castle." There may well be some truth in this idiom as millionaire Mr Anwar Rashid has found out to his cost when he bought a 51-room mansion, Clifton Hall, in Nottinghamshire. The 32-year-old tycoon, who...
Read full storyWacky Jacky Very Tacky, Needs Smacky
[Hollywood] Mr. Blackwell released his list of All Time Tacky People today and in an unprecidented move, Michael "Wacko Jacko" Jackson has taken all top ten spots. Mr. Blackwell explained that there are a lot of tacky people in the world but Mr. J...
Read full storyGhost of "Charles Dickens" to fight Ghost of "Christmas Past"
The Ghost of Charles Dickens has challenged the Ghost of Christmas Past to a no-holes barred, bare-knuckle fist fight. "Dead Dickens has simply had enough with the Ghost of Christmas Past 'dissin and bad-moufin' 'im" a close spectre friend of the...
Read full storyGoVernment says dOn'T votE
Very angry prOtestors appeared ouTsidE the MajestiC cApItol buIldiNg TODAY in washington dc to protest against rising oil prices. obserVers called the Odd event '...a specTacle of public pridE...' another went as far as to say '...My son Could be...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Committees Announce Torch Lighting Plans
In a daring move bound to spark criticism, the London Olympic Committee today announced its plans for the 2012 torch lighting ceremony. Building upon the explosive success and critical acclaim of the London 8 minute segment at the Beijing closing cer...
Read full storyBrangelina & Tomcat Shock World, Adopt U.S. Babies
Falling out of the entertainment headlines for an entire week, two of Hollywood's most famous couples were quick to make announcements on the same day, regarding plans for the adoption of orphans from within the U.S. borders. Meeting with reporter...
Read full storyLarge Hadron Collider Destroys God by Accident
GENEVA, Switzerland - Concerns that the Large Hadron Collider might destroy the Earth proved unfounded on Wednesday, but scientists warned that they may instead have accidentally destroyed God shortly after powering up the machine. Detectors in th...
Read full storyOlive from "On the Buses" is typical English Rose says BNP poll
Members of the BNP have recently voted sultry "Olive" from the hit seventies sit-com "ON THE BUSES" the traditional British Beauty. "Hollywood blasted" Members of the party blasted the media and Hollywood for "brain-washing" UK women into foll...
Read full storySaudi Cleric Says Islamic Law Demands Death of Mickey Mouse
A high ranking Cleric in Saudi Arabia has demanded the death and destruction of all mice, up to and including cartoon characters Mickey Mouse and Jerry (from Tom and Jerry fame). From his Beverly Hills home, Mickey Mouse offered the following stat...
Read full storySLAP, SCREW, SHIT, CLAP, HERPES - new management terms
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into ef...
Read full storyPeter Griffin's BNP brother "Nick" defiantly passes "Dutchie" on right-hand side
The controversial political leader has made a stand for English people, by bravely passing "the dutchie" on the right-hand side. "Nick knows where it's at" Right-wing Nicky told the 'Scoop', " Before all these foreigners flooded into the UK fro...
Read full storyHuge Success for the Large Hadron Collider
Scientist today reveal the full success story of the LHC as they switch it off for a few months to cool down, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern) says. A spokesperson said it simply fantastic, "We knew at the outset that just col...
Read full storyLondon's Meltdown
As Scientists across the Globe predicted for decades, now the un-thinkable has happened. As Global Warming takes its toll, the Ice Caps have completly melted and an enormous flood has started, firstly covering Greenland and the Arctic, and now has...
Read full storyBush to Invade Thailand - Tiger Seen As Curse on Ryder Cup Team
This morning in the White House kitchen, while having breakfast with his wife Barbara, President Bush declared war on Thailand saying that, "A curse on Tiger Woods is a curse on America, therefore we must act first before this curse becomes weapons o...
Read full storyThe Children's Bible in a Nutshell (part 2)
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was." During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also ha...
Read full storyThe Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!,' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Read full storyUK's Davina to auction her "after-birth" online
Chronically pregnant British Celebrity Mum Davina McCloud (wife of fictional 70's TV Cowboy sleuth Dennis Mcloud) is to peddle her own after-birth on an online auction website. "Sexy Lady" The Gorgeous 49 year old hook-nosed mother of fifteen h...
Read full storyBermuda Triangle UFO lures Putin's Navy to Venezuela naval ops disaster
Hamilton, Bermuda - (Extraterrestrial Mess): The pride of Russia's navy has run aground in the Bermuda Triangle after a series of UFO sightings. US Navy coastguards have reported that an alien mothership appears to have lured Vladimir Putin's flee...
Read full storyVanessa Feltz wins award
Television favourite, outspoken expert on everything, Vanessa Feltz has won the brand new award for 'Best expert on every show she appears in'. Feltz, who can often be seen on many channels talking on subjects ranging from Television of the past,...
Read full storyFamily Guy - The Movie
Studio executives in America have green-lit a live action film of the hit cartoon series Family Guy. Casting has begun, with Roseanne's John Goodman cast as the blundering Peter Griffin, whilst his wife, Lois will be played by the X Files's Gillia...
Read full storyNew vaccine against lesbianism soon to be available on the NHS
The government plans to offer 14 year old girls vaccinations against the sexually transmitted disease: lesbianism, after research showed that as many as 1 in 8 women will have a homosexual experience at some point during their lives, in the UK. Th...
Read full storyDuchless Orgasmics Develops Organic Cotton Feminine Hygiene Products
(Duchless Orgsamics) The Prince of Wales and Duchless Orgasmics proudly announce the development of an all organic cotton tampon. The Duchess of Cornwall and her husband have had an interest in Feminine Hygiene products since the beginning of the...
Read full storyBanana Eating Contest
BALTIMORE - The Yearly Port of Lord Baltimore & Sister City Kawasaki, Japan Birds-of-a-Feather Flock Together Festival was a huge success. Thousands attended this year's fun-filled event including unemployed Rhode Island tennis coach, Cashmon...
Read full storyCIA Nuts Propose Naval Aid and Free Trade with Columbia; Chavez Freaks!
Bogota,Columbia/ Rolling Stone - A pair of Former CIA operatives have proposed startling new programs to destabilize the Narco Dictatorship of Venezuelan's President Hugo Chavez. But Chavez, the UN, The Teamsters Union, and the Obama Economic Advis...
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