Written by TheGlovedOne'sVoice

Sunday, 21 September 2008

image for Wacky Jacky Very Tacky, Needs Smacky
Wacko Jacko's Tones Down His Look

[Hollywood] Mr. Blackwell released his list of All Time Tacky People today and in an unprecidented move, Michael "Wacko Jacko" Jackson has taken all top ten spots.

Mr. Blackwell explained that there are a lot of tacky people in the world but Mr. Jackson was able to surpass even the obviously mentally deranged people like Britney Spears, David Gest and Foxy Brown to claim ALL ten spots.

Most notably, Mr. Blackwell said Mr. Jackson's wheelchair forays in PJs and surgical masks ensured him at least eight of the ten places right off the bat.

Speaking of the photo spread in L'Homo Magazine, Mr. Blackwell fumed, "Whose bright idea was it to put a forty-nine year old, wig-wearing, accused child molester of obviously confused sexuality in a magazine spread carrying a toy and with split pants? Is that supposed to be funny?It was the tackiest thing I've ever seen and I've seen Liza Minelli in Hot Pants."

The last two places were awarded to Mr. Jackson for his "uber-tacky" velvet, lion-embossed suit that he wore while ripping off Japanese f'loons for their hard-earned yen last year.

"But, first and foremost," snarled the disgusted Mr. Blackwell, "Mr. Jackson earned this honor by always wearing Revlon's 'Rosy Red Rectum #69' lipstick with EVERY outfit, regardless of color match." Mr. Blackwell then spit on the floor to get the bad taste out of his mouth and flipped the bird at a large, tacky photo of Mr. Jackson on an easel nearby before bursting into tears and sweeping from the room.

Mr. Jackson was unavailable for comment as he was being wheeled through all-boy orphanages looking for his third child, "Blanket", who has been missing since he left DuBois. An Amber Alert may be issued later today.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Michael Jackson

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