Written by Phil Edgar's Bones

Sunday, 21 September 2008

image for Peter Griffin's BNP brother "Nick" defiantly passes "Dutchie" on right-hand side
'The traditional British "Dutch" Pot should be passed only on the right-hand side'

The controversial political leader has made a stand for English people, by bravely passing "the dutchie" on the right-hand side.

"Nick knows where it's at"

Right-wing Nicky told the 'Scoop', " Before all these foreigners flooded into the UK from 'Johnny Foreignerland' with their ways and junk, we traditionally in Britain passed the "dutchie" which is a West-Indian Cooking vessel on the right hand side"

"The Osmonds were a mormon boy-band"

"However we typically caved in at the first sign of trouble and allowed the teen boy band "Musical Youth" to dictate to us, which side the pot should be passed" said Nick wiping his eyes with a traditional British Cornish pasty.

"Enoch Powell warned us of this says Nick"

Furious Nicky "our lad" brother of Peter Griffin added tearfully "My grand-mother Nana Griffin used to cook the sunday lunch in the dutch pot for us as kids and ALWAYS used to pass it on the right-hand side. When that awful reggae song came out, it dictated to her that she should pass it on the left, it broke her heart more than Hitler did when he killed her husband in World War 2".

"Come aboard, come on board and join the double-deckers"

Nick is currently touring the UK in his double-decker London "Truth and Nothing BUT the Truth Bus", where he will give educational lectures on "Passing the Dutchie" in the traditional English way, a custom he dates back to the Druids in North Wales. Nick's infant nephew Stewie Griffin will be giving lectures on the bus, alongside Stewie's talking dog Brian Griffin, who is known to have "right-wing" tendencies.

" How do you feel when you got no food ?"

"Too long have the Brits been quiet it's time they knew their heritage. My heart bleeds when I see little English kiddies passing the dutchie on the left-hand side. Each time it happens a piece more of their identity gets eaten away and lost forever" said stoic Nick.

"He aint Heavy says Peter Griffin defending his big-boned brother"

Nick's real-life cartoon brother Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy' said " Nick aint heavy he's my brother. We are all pretty big-boned in my family. Look at my daughter Meg, she is a right lard-ass, gross"

"This generation rules de nation with version, biddly biddly bong"

Musical Yoof were not available for comment yesterday, however Pete Waterman who helped them rise to fame in the eighties stated "It was only a song and no offence was meant at the time to the British people or Nick Griffin's grand-mother. With hind-sight I should have made the tots from Birmingham "pass it" on the right-hand side, but I was young in those days and hell-bent on being controversial. I am truly and deeply sorry now".


Which side do you pass the "Dutchie" on?

Only you can decide......

Voting so far...........

42% I know we shouldn't, but we pass it on the left hand-side.

38% We support Enoch Powell who passed it on the right-hand side

100% Dig Myra Hindley up and make her pay for her crimes

120% Paedo Glitter should pay for everyone's crimes

1% Richard Madely should pay for his wine, remember when he pinched a few bottles years ago.

Disclaimer: Calls cost £25 per minute (average call is approximately 10 minutes)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
50 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more