Penis Erectus
Harry, Ron, Sophie and Jenny are in the Hogwarts grounds discussing contraceptive devices. Jenny likes the 'Weasley wizarding preggers pill' where as Ron prefers the penis top hat.
Read full storyJohn McCain Gets Dick
Stunning the electorate and sending a defiant message, Senator John McCain announced today that he has selected current Vice President Dick Cheney to be his running mate. The move sets Cheney up to be the only Vice President to serve under consecutiv...
Read full storyBikinis for men
Famous fashion designer Ralph Lauren (68) thinks he has stumbled upon on a tremendous idea that will take the fashion world by storm. His is going to design special bikinis for men, the bikinis will be nicknamed the man-kini and Ralph is hoping men w...
Read full storyOpus Dei spring rite mistaken for Formula One CEO's Nazi-style orgy
London - (Bare Ass Mess): Police raided a smart Chelsea condominium this weekend after a tip-off about a depraved Nazi-style s&m orgy at the home of Formula One chief Max Mosley, son of World War II fascist leader Oswald Mosley.
Read full storyHucking Goats Lead to Underground Cannabis Factory
Police have discovered that the town known as "Hucking" which lies on Cuckold Hill between Ansty and Hickstead is totally fictitious. The mocked up town which covers an area of 400 metres square is actually just a few feet of earth and card...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus is impossible - official
It's official - Miley Cyrus is completely impossible. That's not the view of some disgruntled teacher, or unimpressed director. Nor is it a parental outburst from father Billy Ray. This is the result of three years' research from none oth...
Read full storyHellfire Club's Pluto in Capricorn standstill warning
London - (Cosmic Mess): Pluto's stationary motion in the heavens on April 1st will be the ultimate cosmic last laugh that wreaks havoc on the undead in No 10 Drowning Street.
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe to Make Own Brand Of Deodorant
After Rupert Grint announced that he was writing a besterseller and Emma Watson said that she would be opening her own chain of night clubs, it seems that boy wizard Daniel Radcliffe decided that he would to do something to make himself a bit of extr...
Read full storyPrison Break Series 4 details emerge
An associate producer for the hit TV series Prison Break has revealed some of the plot details for the latest series which is currently in production.
Read full storyDuffy agrees to pose nude
After weeks of relentless pressure, Duffy has agreed to pose nude for a magazine for an undisclosed fee. The details of the magazine or the photos have yet to be released, but Duffy made the announcement at a press conference yesterday.
Read full storyBritish Airways Launches New eBA Web Site
In an attempt to keep a stiff upper lip and make light (oops… the best) of a bad situation the management of British Airways has decided to embark on a new business venture. It's called eBA, an online site modeled after eBay to sell the volumes o...
Read full storyRoyal party cancelled after Bush hedge fund bombs
London - (Recession Mess): A glittering diamond wedding anniversary celebration for the Puppet Monarch has been cancelled suddenly after the hosts went bust in a massive Bush hedge fund bomb.
Read full storyStone Announces New Film About Bush - "Clueless"
Controversial director Oliver Stone has announced today that he is making a film about US President George W Bush. The film will depict how a man with an IQ equivalent to a small mollusc managed to get his finger on the big red button.
Read full storyThe Universally Ignored Declaration of Human Rights
I remember being a 14 year old schoolboy and getting a visit by the local Amnesty International group during a Maths class. At the time I thought it was a welcome relief from trigonometry but after the fifth picture of someone being tortured it wasn't relief that I felt but an unshaken feeling that the world is truly one large cesspit. My c...
Read full storyRoger Federer to be known as Fedz after Beckham gives him image advice
In a presss conference today Roger Federer, tennis number one, has admitted asking David Beckham for advice over his image following the current debate about whether t...
Read full storyBrad Pitt and Leona Lewis reveal passionate affair
Brad Pitt and Leona Lewis have made a press announcement confirming that which many people have suspected for some time, that they are in the middle of a passionate affair.
Read full storyUS Teens Drink a Hundred Bottles of Root Beer and Cops are Off the Wall
In a powerful answer to the binge drinking of UK parents and their children, Wausau, Wisconsin teens held a Root Beer Kegger. When neighbors saw flocks of teens with red plastic cups making lots of noise and partying they called the cops.
Read full storySadr City to Develop NYC Roosevelt Island
With the US real estate market in the crapper, Iraqi Shiite Cleric Muqtada al-Sadr has taken an incredible gamble by bidding on some prime Manhattan properties. The anti-American imam is proposing to build an American version of his Muslim enclave in...
Read full storyU of Kentucky Will Prevent Violence Through Persecution of Strange Students
Preventing school shootings has a new scientific solution being tried out at the University of Kentucky. Strange and disturbing behavior is what the new center's panel is on the look out for.
Read full storyIraq War Watchers Count 4,000 'Defining Moments' in Same Week as 4,000th US Body Bag
Iraq war watchers believe that the Bush administration has announced 4,000 times in the four year war that they have reached a defining moment, a turning point or a crucial development. The coincidence that this landmark should occur in the same week...
Read full story