London - (Bare Ass Mess): Police raided a smart Chelsea condominium this weekend after a tip-off about a depraved Nazi-style s&m orgy at the home of Formula One chief Max Mosley, son of World War II fascist leader Oswald Mosley.
But when they smashed their way into the £5 million Thames-side apartment what they found was 'a relatively harmless Opus Dei mutual flagellation spring ritual' involving Tony Blair's father confessor Fr Michael Seedy (sic), two Rastafarian bishops, the Saudi ambassador and a pregnant baboon hired from Eliot Spitzer's Holy Roman Emperor VIP hooker agency.
"At first we though that it was Max Mosley who was doing all those disgusting thinks with a loofah and a tub of KY Jelly," Sgt Jim Bergerac said today.
"But we soon realised it was just the trained baboon in a Max Mosley rubber mask and matching fluffy pink slippers."
A number of seedy videotapes of the whole sordid proceedings were confiscated.
These are now giving Special Branch officers a right laugh on their works canteen in-house entertainment system.
Bernie Ecclestone is 69.
