Penis Erectus

Funny story written by Sophie Jayne

Sunday, 30 March 2008


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Penis Erectus
Penis Top Hat

Harry, Ron, Sophie and Jenny are in the Hogwarts grounds discussing contraceptive devices. Jenny likes the 'Weasley wizarding preggers pill' where as Ron prefers the penis top hat.

Ron: No you are totally wrong the top hat not only protects me when I am getting it on with a witch but also it looks rather cool.

Jenny: Ron I like the pill, it has never ever let me down before.

Sophie: Jenny you have never had sex

Jenny: shhhhhhhhh (whispers to Sophie) I might have a chance with Ron here so keep my inexperience quite.

Ron: (unaware of Jenny's attraction to him.) So Harry mate, what do you use when you are getting some action?

Sophie: he uses nothing……..

Jenny: Sophie how do you know?

Sophie: (slightly red) just a guess

Harry: (winks at Sophie) you guesses correctly (points wand at crotch)
PENIS ERECTUS (his penis rises until it is longer than even his wand which is 11.5 inchs so his cock is pretty big)

Ron: (staring at Harry's crotch) oh mate what are you going to do now?

Harry: best not waste it (drags Sophie into the nearest broom cupboard)

Ron: Lets try this one out PENIS ERECTUS (his penis rises to an equal length of Harry's) Bloody marvellous.

Jenny: (getting giddy) come on Ron (drags Ron into the broom cupboard next door)

Voldermort and Snape fly in through the window and enter the first broom cupboard.

Voldie: what have we here?

Snape: Weasley and his little sister no doubt?

Voldie: no you idiot they are having sex, I don't think even that family would stoop that low this is his muddle friend.

Ron: Can't you see we are busy here mate.

Voldie: Sorry Ron, We will try another broom cupboard, but out of interest, how do you get you penis so big?

Ron nor Jenny answer as they carry on with their business. Snape and Voldie leave and enter the broomie next door.

Voldie: well if it isn't little Harry potter, EXCEPT HE DOESN'T LOOK SO LITTLE.

Snape: OH MY GOD? How are people getting so big willys these days?

Harry: (zipping up his trousers) It is easy just use the erectus spell. Come on Voldie I thought a clever LITTLE wizard like you could work out something like that.

Voldie: no I have spent too much time trying to take over the world that I neglected my sex life.

Snape: (sighs)

Voldie: I ll tell you what Harry old boy, we will call it evens, that way I can get in some action with Snapey here, if you get what I mean…..

Snape: good idea. Come along master, I am sure we can find another broomie somewhere.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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