Friendship Of United Fans Is Heartwarming, Says Wunter
Respected German daily newspaper Wunter Under Meijer today focused on an almost forgotten part of football: The fans. In an age where TV has taken over and fans find themselves marginalised, Wunter takes the time to hear the compelling - and...
Read full storyAdolescent Writers To Be Shot
Adolescent writers, who only write about sex and, well, sex, because they never have any, are to be banned, and in fact are to be shot.
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Cheerleaders To Perform Naked
The Dallas Cowboys kick off the new season at Cleveland on September 7th with a brand new secret weapon in their artillery - naked Cheerleaders. The Cowboys will unveil the eyecatching lovelies in a bid to distract the Browns from their task in or...
Read full storyPrince Harry In Prince Albert Cock Shock
Prince Harry, the brave soldier brought home from Afghanistan because it wasn't dangerous enough for him, is to have his penis pierced, in what has become known as Prince Albert style.
Read full storyHitler's Pope Heads to Sydney for World Nazi Youth Day Celebrations
Sydney - (Fetid Ass Mess): Pope Joe Ratzinger is heading to Australia on Sunday for a Reichsparteitage-style Nuremberg Rally convention celebrating World Nazi Youth Day on July 15.
Read full storyFrank Lampard Talks To Newspaper
Frank Lampard, the Chelsea captain, is in the news again, not, this time, about his proposed transfer to Italian giants Inter Milan, but for speaking to a newspaper about his future plans.
Read full storyNo Olympic Games for White British Athletes
The British government's cull of white British males intensified this week, when the Minister for Women and Equality announced that only women and ethnic groups would be allowed to represent Great Britain in the London Olympics.
Read full storyVegetarians Face Tax Increases for Increasing their CARBON-hydrate Footprint!
We've all started to feel the oppressive tyranny wolf that is dressed up in the sheep's clothing of enviro-MENTAL-ism and now it is the veggies turn with the new carbon taxes on all vegetable produce.
Read full storyIran UFO tracked to Azerbaijan base
Persian Gulf - (Extraterrestrial Mess): Royal Navy destroyers have been tracking a mysterious Iranian bong-shaped UFO.
Read full storyBig Phil Says "Change Is Good!"
Big Phil has told his new Chelsea squad that change will be the order of the day as he looks to improve both results and the style of football at The Bridge. This, unfortunately, has ruffled a lot of feathers amongst the more established members of t...
Read full storyParis Hilton Starts Large Hadron Collider Today
Berne Switzerland-- Paris Hilton will have the honour of starting the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) this afternoon. The multi-talented heiress designed the atom smasher. It will test her theories on the multiverse and dark matter. Ms. Hilton's IQ i...
Read full storyIran's Insatiable Missiles
On July 9, responding to internal political tensions, Iran raised one of its missiles to full elevation.
Read full storyInBev Purchases Anheuser-Busch for Pennies After an Intoxicating Offer
St. Louis, MO -- Late Wednesday night, the two beer giants met in a secret meeting behind closed doors. Several weeks ago, American brewer Anheuser-Busch rejected Belgian brewer InBev's $46.3 billion offer. After InBev launched a hostile takeov...
Read full storyMan Arrested In Manchester United Murder Case
Brian Riggs a 47 year old unemployed man from Leatherhead, has been arrested by Greater Surreyshire Police following the discovery of the bodies of quite literally hundreds of Manchester United fans on Mr Riggs boat. He was led away by plain clothes...
Read full storyLondon Freight and Cargo Insider News; Disappointment over Top Gear Award Loss for Team from Fulham
Following recent transfer disappointment over such cars as the Seat Torres, The Ford Street Kaka, and the recently produced Nissan Messi and Renaultdinho, Norman Getridovitch has instructed used car dealer Big Popeye Doyle to import more wheels from...
Read full storyIrish Rail Announce Joint Venture Deal
Irish Rail have announced a Joint Venture Deal with Dublin Zoo, seeing some of the Zoo's Spider Monkeys taking over Administration Jobs in many of Irish Rails Dublin stations.
Read full storyMcCain hires Rev Jesse Jackson as Press Spokesman
'I like the way he talks, what can I say?' said Senator McCain at a press conference this afternoon. He was announcing the latest addition to his campaign team - Reverend Jesse Jackson.
Read full storyDoktor Helmut Vildebeests Guide to Relationships, Part Two
Guten Tag students and patients. Velcome back to ze column vere you learn all about ze sexual relationships und how to start zem and keep zem. Our research continues deep in ze sviss alps at ze Vildebeest-Blunderbusse Institute, so let us continue vith some more good advice.
Read full storyNational Trust To Buy Bruce Forsyth
The National Trust have announced they have almost purchased much loved and popular funster Bruce Forsyth adding him to the Trust' growing numbers of historical attractions.
Read full storyWales: Invisible UK Region, No More: Thar She Blows!
Studies are showing that Wales are veritably invisible on the Broadcasting British Commission. Reporters from the Media and Fairness Football and Cricket Club have found that there is no music or romance from Wales on the BBC.
Read full storyGoogle Lively Seized by US Presidential Candies!
Google has developed a new and livelier way to chat online with the introduction of Lively. Internet chatters can now adopt images and avatars to embody their commentary and castigations across the World Wide Web.
Read full storyChina Warns French Sarkozy: Don't See Dalai Lama! He's Bush's Boy!
Chinese leaders have taken the unusual position of procurer for the American President as they warn French president and adulterer Nicolas Sarkozy to keep his distance from the recent consort of America's Mr. Bush. Bush recently boasted that he w...
Read full storyA-Rod Reaches For Another MVP: Madonna's Vajay Play
Highest paid MLB's Playa Alex Rodriguez has been seeking to play his rod into the V of Rock star and professional slut Madonna. Gossip columnists have dubbed the pair, "Madonna and Child" as the thirty-something A-Rod casts his lure out...
Read full storyMacArthur Park : Someone Left the Bleeding Immigrants Out in the Rain
In an uncanny reprise of the 60's hippie anthem, "MacArthur Park", nineteen LAPD police officers are facing discipline for their negligent treatment of journalists and immigration rights advocates during a MacArthur Park May Day Rally.
Read full storyDr Death Goes to Washington
Euthanasia advocate and recently released suicide assistant Jack "the Dripper" Kevorkian is reported to have collected enough signatures to place his name on the ballot for the Ninth Congressional District in his home state of Michigan.
Read full storyRussia Announces National Who-Ha Day!
Russia cannot replace its dead and so officials in the former Soviet Union have been trying to remedy the situation with government initiatives.
Read full storyBrett Favre Officially Out of Retirement
Brett Favre, the former quarterback for the Green Bay Packers who retired at the end of the season, officially unretired himself at at press conference today. Favre, who just had his most (and only) productive season of the last five, said that he &...
Read full storyMadonna Claims She's "Like a Virgin" With A-Rod
Madonna, the singer and original pop-tart, claims that she is not having an affair with New York Yankees player Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) as has been reported in several media sources. This singer says that A-Rod's wife is mistaken in her accusations a...
Read full story41 Year Old Woman Qualifies For Olympics
41 year old swimmer Dara Torres has been to every Olympics but 2004 since 1984. She just qualified again for the 2008 games in China and will probably swim in three different events (and should medal in at least two of them).
Read full storyTips on pleasing your man
Forget any useless rhetoric you read in Cosmo, this is the real deal from a real man. I've taken some previous bullshit and translated them into truth. So read on at your own peril bitches!...
Read full storyAshley Dupre To Star In Reality Series
Ashley Dupre, the call girl and Girls Gone Wild alumni who brought down the Governor of New York, will be starring in a new reality series. "Bringing Down the House (and Senate)" will begin airing this fall on the Fox network. The new television...
Read full storyNew Head Gear for N.F.L.
(MUSICMAN PRESS) N.F.L. President Rick A. Number, said earlier today the the league will radically alter their head gear.
Read full storyNew Saxophone hero game released
In response to the overwhelming popularity of games like Guitar Hero, Sony released Saxophone Hero. This weekend saw lines stretching for miles at local electronics stores as the new game hit shelves.
Read full storyChild Protective Services Investigates New Mother Jamie Lynn Spears
Jamie Lynn Spears, former star of Zoey 101 and the latest teenage mother in the South, is under investigation already by child protective services for treatment of her three week old child. Maddie Briann Aldridge, daughter of Spears and fiance C...
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