George Bush in secret visit to Madonna's Tel Aviv Kabbala brothel
Israel - (Reuterus & Bad Ass Mess): Pleading jet (s)lag and a pinched nerve in his abdomen, President Bush somehow managed to persuade Israeli PM Ehud Olmert today to take him to a holistic Tel Aviv brothel run on Kabbalistic principles by singer Ma...
Read full storySeismologists pissing themselves with laughter as top Israeli diamond geezer buys landfill site £35 million mansion
Hampstead, North London - (Sad Ass Mess): There's no fool like an old fool. And Lev Leviev, Israel's top diamond geezer, has fallen for the oldest estate agency trick in the world and bought a hideous pile of tacky tat in North London's...
Read full storyGeorge Bush admits he is greatest threat to world peace
Embarking on his first ever visit to the Middle East, George Bush has admitted that he is the biggest threat to world peace.
Read full storyIllegal Aliens put McCain on Top in New Hampshire
John McCain successfully bused in enough illegal aliens from neighboring states to win the New Hampshire primary. He has already sent them down the road to Michigan for a second round. "Romney hasn't seen anything yet, we got a convoy going!...
Read full storyCanada to USA: "We want you,eh"
OTTAWA, Canada - A Government White Paper has been leaked, outlining a draft for Canada to buy the United States. The plan contends that the strength of the loonie, the country's proven oil reserves, its unlimited natural resources and strong fis...
Read full storyHow to Meet Women Book Hits Number One
Pahokee, Florida (IPP) - Dr. Upp Chuck's latest book on how to meet women has hit the top of the best seller's list this week as both men and women flock to bookstores trying to find a copy of the popular book.
Read full storySpears family files for temporary restraining order against Dr. Phil; accuses him of being a cele-Britney stalker
Hollywood, California - Just moments after a representative for the Spears family, appeared on the "Today" show, accusing Dr. Phil of betraying Britney and the Spears' family trust, lawyers for the Spears filed for a temporary restraini...
Read full storyBush Solves Mideast Peace Problems!
Jerusalem - George W Bush presented a radically new plan for Mideast peace today.
Read full storyKate Middleton spends birthday in snatch & scrot-rot clinic
London - (Reuterus): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton spent her 26th birthday in the Chelsea Snatch & Scrot-Rot Clinic after returning from a break in Barbados covered in green oozy pustules.
Read full storyBlair squirms but admits Prince William is his grandson
Con-nought Square, London - (Worse Ass Mess): After years of wriggling, denials, hideous obfuscations and downright massive Opus Dei whoppers ex-UK Prime Monster has admitted that the current elder son of the Pretender to the Throne, Prince William,...
Read full storySpooks bugged IRA royals to stop them murdering each other
London - (Bad Ass Mess): All members of the IRA puppet monarchy were routinely bugged by the Anti-Terror cops to stop them murdering one another according to testimony in the Princess Diana inquest today.
Read full storyHeads or Tails if Ted Williams Appears Before Baseball Hearings
WASHINGTON - The House Oversight Committee plans to hold hearings on January 16, 2008 into the illegal use of steroids and other enhancing substances by players in Major League Baseball. Current players, Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens, Andy Knoblauch a...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda Outsourcing Deal with India
Kabul Afghanistan (MSNBC) - Due to the skyrocketing costs of running a Jihad new Al-Qaeda CTO (Chief Terrorism Officer) Al Abama Schawama has inked a deal with New Dehli based Rajhans Industries to manufacture their IED's (Improvised Explosive De...
Read full storyHot Air Balloon Powered by Campaign Promises
Concord, New Hampshire (IPP) - A hot air balloon enthusiast has successfully filled a hot air balloon by playing a cassette recording of the presidential candidates speeches into the opening of a hot air balloon. Some campaign promises were more e...
Read full storyDiana split-beaver, Heather Mills leg vie for Trafalgar Square plinth honours
London - (Reuterus): Giant replicas of Princess Diana's fanny, Heather Mills' missing leg and a sunbed-ready Camilla are on the Culture Secretary's shortlist to grace Trafalgar Square's empty plinth.
Read full storyBritish Hopes Soar in US Elections as Hillary Wins
Hopes of a fairy tale outcome in the US presidential elections were boosted yesterday when Hillary Clinton, the nice-looking white female, soared to victory in the Hampshire election.
Read full storyEmma Watson To Play Teenage Maddie in £2m Musical
Emma Watson, the teenage Harry Potter sensation, is set to play the teenage Maddie McCann in a new musical that's going to sweep the box office this spring. The blockbuster, directed by Love Actually's Richard Curtis, will al...
Read full storyBelgium's rendez-vous with history
In an unprecedented move, the Belgian government has decided to cede sovereignty to its former colony of the Belgian Congo, now the Democratic Republic of Congo. Belgian diplomatic sources claimed the deal could be wrapped up as soon as next month.
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