Beckham ordered to No 10 to explain offside rule
Drowning Street, London - (Bad Ass Mess): Ex-England football captain David Beckham was unexpectedly called in to 10 Downing Street on Tuesday night.
Read full storyMars Pathfinder probe seeks out signs of life on Clinton campaign trail
Point Conception, New Hampshire - Bill Clinton called in some old political favors and had the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena, California, transmit new instructions to the Pathfinder probe presently located on the surface of Mars to seek...
Read full storyAndre lands up in playpen after tantrum
Jordan finally cracked with her spouse's childish behaviour and tantrums last week according to a reliable source.
Read full storyJamie Oliver gets his cock out (as in cockerel, Google) and shows it to chicks (as in chickens, Google) in Snuff Movie (involving cockerels and chickens, Google)
Stud muffin super-chef Jamie Oliver is to star in a controversial 'snuff' movie to be screened on Channel 4 TV this week. He is going to show people how little cocks are murdered in their shells just after they've been laid. Male birds are despat...
Read full storyTennis Ace Andy Murray Is Set To Have A Personality Bypass Operation
Sky News has announced that British Tennis Ace Andy Murray is likely to be out of the game for at least a month which means that he will miss the first Tennis Grand Slam of the season the Australian Open.
Read full storyMen and Motors Channel Offers New "Ignore-Again" On Demand Player
In line with current advances in media technology, the specialist cable channel Men and Motors is, from today, offering a new service online that allows viewers to ignore again the last 7 days of the channel's output.
Read full storyAggressive Australians ordered to take lessons in humility from England
The entire Australian cricket team has been ordered to take lessons in humility from their English counterparts in a shock ruling from the International Cricket Council.
Read full storyFor a Few Arguidos More
Praia Da Iluzion - (Sad Ass Mess): This year's must-see smash-hit blockbuster movie is set to be the remake of the 1965 spaghetti western For A Few Arguidos More.
Read full storyJesus slams his "dead-beat dad" GOD on Rikki Lake Show
A pre-recorded episode of the often controversial Rikki Lake Show featuring Jesus Christ confronting God is due to air early next week.
Read full storyOil Prices Rise on Fears Jesus May Return!
Oil prices shot well over 100 dollars a barrel today on news that Jesus would return soon and that His Return would disrupt supply and distribution and create an unstable market.
Read full storyWorld's Biggest TV Allows Busty British Actress To Work Again
Watching Fat Club will never be the same again after the world's biggest plasma television was unveiled yesterday. The whopping 150-inch Panasonic widescreen TV will enable viewers to watch everything in larger than life-size which is welcome rel...
Read full storyPentagon to replace Jesus with Thor, Zeus
Washington, DC - The Department of Defense is experimenting with replacing Jesus as an element of basic training in favor of more warlike deities, such as Thor and Zeus. "We have nothing against the Prince of Peace," said the religious consultant...
Read full storyDLC Concedes Election!
Washington DC - Seeking to address a growing rise in the popularity of the Democratic Party, the Democratic Leadership Council (DLC) announced today that it is conceding the 2008 election.
Read full storyNew strain Skunk cuts emissions by 2000%: study
National Poisons Unit, Aldermaston - (Ludicrous Mess): A new strain of eco-friendly weed variant of super-strength quick-grow skunk cannabis has been found to have drastically lower CO2 emissions compared to average cannabis sativa products according...
Read full storyA Little Late But...Happy 2008! or Happy 2008?
(New York--NY) Someone asked me this New Year's Eve (Or to be accurate, I guess I should correctly say last New Year's Eve. We haven't had New Year's Eve 2008 yet.) what my resolution was? Maybe it was one too many Ketel One Koolers, but I said "not to die."...
Read full storyMore Humane Executions in Texas?
Hanging Tree, TX (USA Today) - Based on the issues presented to the Supreme Court recently regarding the humanity of lethal injections some Texas legislators are proposing more humane forms of execution. Stating a long time, yet unwritten, policy reg...
Read full storyCardinal McShergar slams Obama's Irish kith and kin
County Louse, Eire - (Ludiscrous Ass Mess): Newly elevated to the Louse Archbishoprick, Cardinal Fergus McShergar has lost no time in slamming US Senator Bollox Obama's Irish cousins' gerrymandering activities for the Kleptocrat Arrivistes Ab...
Read full storyDNA points to Dick Cheney in FBI terrorist hunt for 'DB Cooper'
Washington AC/DC - (Reuterus): A DNA breakthrough has led the FBI straight to Vice President Dick Cheney in the Agency's protracted investigation into the disappearance of '70s skyjacking terrorist Dan 'DB' Cooper.
Read full storyHollywood Internet and TV tabloids 'turn on' Dr. Phil
Hollywood, California - Ironically the only one out of the lot in tensile town actually capable of helping Britney in her time of need of medical mental intervention, Dr. Phil has come under fire for his reaching out to Britney at Cedaer-Sinai Medica...
Read full storyHillary haunted by ghost of elections (erections) past
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton struggled this morning with bags under her eyes to pour coffee and greet the day. Reporters say that the two-term New York Senator received a visit from the ghost of elections (erections) past during the night and could not get back to sleep afterwards.
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