Oil prices shot well over 100 dollars a barrel today on news that Jesus would return soon and that His Return would disrupt supply and distribution and create an unstable market.
Dick Les, an oil speculator for the trading firm Salmon A. Batch explains: "We believe this market adjustment is well justified. His Return would cause a lot of havoc in the Middle East ; people ascending to Heaven, the Battle of Armageddon. Not to mention the vast number of people trying to flee the Rapture could put a huge strain on inventories, especially if He returned during the peak summer driving season."
However, prices stabilized to just under 100 dollars a barrel on news that leading senate democrats said Jesus couldn't return without a full Senate investigation. Many democrats believe that Jesus never really died and that Bush used it as an excuse to go to war in Iraq.
"We think there may be some type of conspiracy about His death. He may have faked it in order to avoid paying some types of taxes and we think the American people have right to know", said Charles Schumer -D:NY.