More Humane Executions in Texas?

Funny story written by Don Davis

Tuesday, 8 January 2008

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Hanging Tree, TX (USA Today) - Based on the issues presented to the Supreme Court recently regarding the humanity of lethal injections some Texas legislators are proposing more humane forms of execution. Stating a long time, yet unwritten, policy regarding Supreme Court decisions Representative Dirk Hangman of Tyler Texas states "screw the Supreme Court with all their fancy book-lernin'. Lethal injection is a woosie little girly way of executin' a villain anyways".

Dirks' solutions include, of course, "hangin' the varmits", "draggin' 'em across the Llano Estacado behind a Ford Bronco" and "clubbin' 'em like baby seals".

Dirk has met some resistance in the Texas Legislature however. Representative Anna Mae Righteous of the more liberal Austin Texas and the "Society for Humane Executions" has proposed what she believes to be a more humane alternative. Anna Mae argues "Beef Cattle are stunned by electricity or percussion, and killed by cutting the blood vessels in the neck, causing exsanguinations. If it's good enough for the creatures where Prime Rib and Brisket comes from why not violent criminals"?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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