Michael Vick injured in prison pit fight
NEWPORT NEWS, VA - Professional American football player Michael Vick sustained serious lacerations, some of which appear to be teeth marks, a dislocated shoulder and two broken ribs in a heavily promoted prison fight earlier this week. Officials ha...
Read full storySeventh Exerpt From 'Found' Dickens Christmas Carol
Your persistance in your read is appreaciated, but it would do you a world of if you read these exerpts in order, previous The Last of the Spirits The Phantom painstakingly ebbed, like ink on a black blotter, toward Cratchit. When it came, Cratchit bent down upon his knee; a genuflect and homage paid to seek mercy immediately. for in the very air through which this Spirit moved it smelt lik...
Read full storyWorld Record Breaking TV Programme Planned
UK Comedian Frank Skinner is to make what is hoped to be the World's longest single TV programme. It will be on the subject of swearing and is predicted to run for at least 48 hours. The world's ONLY West Bromwich Albion supporting comedian (how rare...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Anus Transplant Denied
A spokesman for Michael Jackson has angrily denied that the Superstar has had an anus transplant. Rumours surfaced that the Prince of Pop is suffering from a mystery disease which caused him to seek an anus transplant. The sources say that Jack...
Read full storyScarlett Bogie Sells For $5000 On Ebay
A bogie belonging to Scarlett Johansson has sold for over $5000 on Ebay. The freshly picked bogie weighing in at 5ounces was eagerly sought after by thousands of international bogie collectors worldwide. The lucky collector Mr I Pickem from Lit...
Read full storyDroylsden to be thrown out of the FA Cup for ineptitude
Masters of the inept, Conference North outfit Droylsden FC are to be thrown out of the FA Cup despite their recent heroics for fielding an ineligible player. Droylsden were in the third round of the prestigious cup and set to play Chesterfield whe...
Read full storyWorld's Oldest Web Page Discovered
Philadelphia PA-- Excited scholars at the University of Pencilvainia uncovered what may be the oldest web page ever written. The web page was on a tiny computer screen, located in Fish Hall. The dusty computer with flashing green cathodes was still...
Read full storyEnvironmentalists to Organize Polar Bear Hunts
Los Angeles CA: A new study, just released by the Sierra Club, indicates that Polar Bears are the cause of global warming in the Arctic regions. Up to 60% of these Polar Bears reside in the Canadian Arctic. The Russians have denied that their Polar B...
Read full storyTimes of Yore
Strange History You Didn't Get in High School (the B.C. years) 3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week,the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business code of ethics. 2900 B.C. - Egyptians create Sphinx, one of Seven Great Wonders of the Ancient World, but refuse to talk about it. 1850 B.C. - Britons announce Operation Stonehenge...
Read full storyStar Jones Regaining Weight But In Different Places
Friends say that Star Jones has packed on 35 more pounds - and sources say she's absolutely terrified the weight gain will drive away the man she hopes will change her life forever! Or, perhaps someone else who will change the rest of her life forev...
Read full storyTwo Greedy Employees Really Take The Cake
Two postal workers sparked a worldwide data theft alert after stealing a Christmas cake and replacing it with a different package. The courier workers gobbled the cake down and simply put its address label on a parcel that was supposed to be going...
Read full storyTennessee Valley Authority's "Christmas Sludge" Poorly Received
KNOXVILLE, TN - Christmas came early this year to Tennessee residents living near a coal-fired power plant outside Knoxville, who found a little something extra under their trees: Five hundred million gallons of sludge laden with arsenic, mercury an...
Read full storyThe King's Christmas gift list 2008 for the non-discriminating southern consumer and ordinary Wal-Ma
It was reported today that the chum of chuckle, that lovable manager of laughs, your favorite southern sacred cow tipper, King David, has come out with this season's Christmas shopping list for your favorite redneck. "I wanted to focus on the south this year," said David, "because I want the world to know what a special culture we have here. I also want to encourage literacy and self-reflecti...
Read full storyWorld Domination
Conquest of the world! This it seems is now the latest plan put forward by government advisers to combat the recession plaguing the country. Under new laws put forward the recently unemployed would be conscripted into military units called Browns Battalions and sent out to conquer the world. Not only would this tactic keep the unemployment figures down and benefit the government if successful...
Read full storyNORAD Tracking Santa Threat
COLORADO SPRINGS (FMLiveWire) - Who says the Santa Claus communist threat doesn't exist? The military personnel here at NORAD charged with being the eyes in the sky are believers and are acting like the threat is very real. The North American...
Read full storyHull City Fans Rejoice As Lawrenson Tips Manchester City To Win Boxing Day Clash
There was jubilation in East Yorkshire today, as fans of Hull City celebrated in true Christmas spirit, when BBC football pundit Mark Lawrenson 'predicted' that the Tigers would lose 2-1 at Manchester City on Boxing Day. 'Lawro' as he is known, ha...
Read full storyReview of 2008
It's been a bad year for the light hearted. What with the Antarctic disappearing, the economy exploding, house prices falling faster than an astronaut's toolbox and the price of oil reaching twenty-trillion dollars a barrel, there's been little to laugh at. Look on the bright side: the world could have been sucked into a black hole in October. 2008 was the year of the potato. The year start...
Read full storyCarol and the Collider
The story regarding Carol Vorderman's resignation from the long-running Channel 4 show, Countdown, took an amazing twist yesterday. Sexy Carol, the first female ever to appear fully clothed on Channel 4, had intimated that the reason for her depar...
Read full storyQueen Announces "More Frugal" Christmas Lunch
Buckingham Palace has published the menu for the royal Christmas luncheon at Balmoral in an effort to show empathy with people struggling to make ends meet during the credit crisis. In a statement from the palace the queen's spokesman Sir Horace...
Read full storyCatholics Permit Masturbation
The Catholic Church has finally faced up to the problem of over-population by permitting its adherents to masturbate. They will, in the words of the Bible be allowed to 'spill their seed upon the ground', though they admit this could be messy and th...
Read full storyNew Fake Colgate Disaster As Man's Teeth Fall Out
The fake Colgate toothpaste story took a new twist today, when the teeth of a man from Wimbledon who used Colgate to brush his teeth before bedtime last night, had to call an ambulance this morning when ALL OF HIS GNASHERS FELL OUT! Eric Dribble,...
Read full storyDennis Nilsen To Enter Big Brother House
Convicted serial killer, Dennis Nilsen, is set to be a shock entry into this years Big Brother house. It was confirmed yesterday that the crazed sixty-three year old butcher who has a penchant for human flesh will be one of the contestants. Mr Nil...
Read full storySanta Gives Yankees Five More Golden World Series Rings
The damn Yankees of the American League have been suspected of being in league with the devil himself. After all, 26 World Series Championships, 38 American League crowns, and 42 first place division finishes which amount to the finest record of any...
Read full storySanta Claus Claims He Has Seen Sarah Palin being Bad from the North Pole
Ole Saint Nick has been celebrated for a preternatural ability to know when people are sleeping or awake. Awareness of goodness and badness has also been claimed as one of the former Bishop of Myra's super powers.But never can anyone remember Santa,...
Read full storyOrigins of Dim Son Revealed
Canton - The origins of the popular mobile Chinese smörgåsbord, Dim Son, have been discovered to be traced back a millennium, or one duck, to the Ming Dynasty which did not star Victoria Principal, Larry Hagman or Bobby. Master chef to the Emperor...
Read full storyDiabetic Chocolate Gives You The Shits
A report out today claims that Diabetic Chocolate can have a rather unwanted laxative effect upon its consumers, and to condemn to a lengthy period of The Shits. Two companies who sell the specialist chocolate, Boots and Thorntons, have said that...
Read full storyKung Fu Pandas Sent To Taiwan By Chinese Aggressors
China has made the first tentative steps towards an agreement with its rogue state, Taiwan, today by sending two pandas to its neighbour in the hope that it will be seen as an act of friendship, and become a platform for negotiation. Taiwanese off...
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