Diabetic Chocolate Gives You The Shits

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

image for Diabetic Chocolate Gives You The Shits
Put shit in, shit comes out

A report out today claims that Diabetic Chocolate can have a rather unwanted laxative effect upon its consumers, and to condemn to a lengthy period of The Shits.

Two companies who sell the specialist chocolate, Boots and Thorntons, have said that the chocolate does contain some ingredients which could have a laxative effect, but they are only included in very small amounts, and the chocolate should, therefore, be safe.

Not so, says a diabetic Edward Grimbald from Leeds, who ate some of the product he bought from one of the shops, which is more traditionally known as a chemist. He said:

"The chocolate were lovely, but no sooner had I eaten the last one, me tummy were a-chatterin', and arse were a-rumblin'. I barely med it t' bog!"

Another dissatisfied customer was Alice Clodd, of Wolverhampton. She was 'taken ill' after shoving an 800 grams of diabetic diarrhoea-inducing delicacies down her gullet last week. Alice said:

"I was a bit peckish. I had this diabetic chocolate, and within 10 minutes, I'd shit enough for a team of rugby players after their Christmas do and a curry. It's lethal!"

Dave Brown, spokesman for Shittem's Chocolates, said:

"What we put in our chocolates is our business. If it makes people's bowels irritable, then they should be careful before scoffing the whole pack. Greedy fuckers!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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