Inner City students demand inspiring, single, white, female teacher before improving academic performance.
A group of students attending PS53, have collectively signed a petition, stating their demands as wanting a "Michelle Pfeiffer-esque single white female teacher" to truly inspire and motivate them. They refuse to raise their aggregate GPA o...
Read full storyTheoretically, I'm an Idiot
A co-worker recently turned me on to a website featuring a collection of some well-known -- and some not so well-known -- theories. Such bits of information and philosophy have always been of interest to me. Now, I'll say right up front that I have never considered myself a philosopher, nor am I even more philosophical than, say, your average rodeo clown - however, I would assert that I smell...
Read full storyExcessive Exercise Causing US Youth to Lose Video Gaming Prominence
American kids are spending so much time exercising that they are starting to lose their lead as the best video gamers in the world. This has profound economic and national security implications.
Read full storyDerek Acorah & Shilpa To Star In New Prime-Time Show
Derek Acorah, the only TV psychic whose name rhymes with a tasty Indian snack, is said to be teaming up with Celebrity Big Brother contestant, Shilpa Shetty and bringing a new prime-time show to our TV screens.
Read full storyElvis Presley Still Dead
Little remains other than some bones, hair, teeth and a large and tattered sequin jumpsuit, and reports out of Memphis today confirmed the worst: Elvis Presley is still dead.
Read full storyPaul Weller : My Secret Dad
Sophisticated Mod God Paul Weller has broken a silence that has been held within his family for over 4 decades.
Read full storyVial of Angelina Jolie Saliva Sells on eBay for $43,450
A vial of Angelina Jolie's saliva sold on eBay for $43,450 this week, with hundreds of bids pouring in for the rare and highly sought-after collectible.
Read full storyDebt-ridden PM Offers Peerages On eBay
Yesterday The Spoof reported on Tony Blair's alleged addiction to fruit machines in London's gaming arcades and how it is driving him to bankruptcy. Well the story has taken a dramatic new twist as cash for peerages has now be come intertwine...
Read full storyMissing sex offenders found in Blair's cabinet
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Over six hundred missing serial sex offenders who disappeared from Home Office records have been found hiding behind the cabinet at Number 10 Drowning Street.
Read full storySunday Fascist slams Obama ficton
London - (Rotters): London-based weekly The Sunday Fascist has published a five-star hatchet job slamming Barrack Obama's Dreams From My Father as a fictional vanity publication that etoilates the classic fairytale rags-to-riches story of an '...
Read full storyBritney Spears Now On The Great Seal of The United States
Congress approved measures today to put Hollywood pop diva Britney Spears on The Great Seal of the United States. Instead of the traditional bald eagle with its wings outstretched in heraldic honor holding an olive branch in its right talon and 13 ar...
Read full storyHitler - My Manchester United Penalty Misery
Secret papers released today by the Ministry of Secrets, reveal that in his youth, long before he had ideas of world domination, Adolf Hitler was far from being a disgruntled artist. Documents held for fifty years show he wa...
Read full storySolution to Teenage Pregnancy Proposed
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Lawmakers today introduced a radical new bill designed to eliminate the issue of teen pregnancy once and for all. The bill is gaining instant popularity among the city's pundits and, in an uncharacteristic show of bipartisanship, is being embraced by Democrats and Republicans alike.
Read full storyNorth Korea Reveals Prototype of New Car
Pyongyang, North Korea - At an informal press conference/luncheon yesterday, North Korea unveiled its newest automobile, the Plutonium. The car is named after the highly radioactive chemical element with which most of the chassis and frame are const...
Read full storyNew Study Reveals Shocking Correlation Between Birthdays and Age
Gainesville, FL - Dr. Morton Engle made waves in the medical community when he released the findings of his latest research study during an impromptu press conference yesterday. The University of Florida biology professor has spent the past decade s...
Read full storyNew Solar Bulbs Give Hope to MAD Sufferers - by Libby Haughty
Midwinter depression, also known as Midwinter Affective Disorder (MAD), has only just been officially recognized by the Swedes, who discovered it in the 4th century BC, and kept quiet till now.
Read full storyLivingstone to run for Tory Mayor in 2008
City Hole, London - (Rotters): Undeterred by regulations that prevent him from seeking a third term in office as a Labour Party Mayor of London in the 2008 elections, Ken Livingstone is to take up Tory Leader David Cameron's stroke of genius poli...
Read full storyBeckham disappointed over Disney pics
David Beckham, Dandini of the Dollar, and undisputed emperor of the Euro has expressed his disappointment at the recent pictures issued by Disney.
Read full storyEarth Downgraded To Non-Planetary Status
First they downgraded Pluto. Then Uranus. Now according to SpaceStuff.Org, Earth is not only NOT a planet, it's not even an asteroid .. it's simply a great big rock floating around in space less important than Haley's comet (which SpaceSt...
Read full storyGay Loves His Mama
Christopher Gay escaped from prison, stole a pick-up truck, hijacked a WalMart tractor-trailer commandeered Country Music Star Crystal Gayle's tour bus and infiltrated a NASCAR Champion's inner circle - all to see his dying mama!...
Read full storyGates Accuses Anti-War Congress of "Emboldening Enemy"
Sec'y of Defense Gates accused the Anti-War resolution in the Congress of undercutting the US commanders and emboldening the enemy.Our reporters on the ground in Iraq found much supporting evidence for Gates' claim. Last week Vulfie Blitzkrei...
Read full storyAbbé Pierre Dead, Thank God
Abbé Pierre was a lifelong friend and advocate for the poor and homeless in France for more than half a century. "Thank God he's dead!" was the general exclamation around the country as political leaders and religious authorities gather...
Read full storyYoplait Company Memo Reveals Insidious Plot
Yoplait yogurt's Yellow-Polka Dot Bikini commercials have been discovered to be the product of a company conspiracy to exploit pre-Spring Break anorexic and bulimic practices of college girls.
Read full storyND Leprechan Busted for "Pot of Gold"
South Bend deputies report that they have arrested the Notre Dame Leprechaun Mascot, Abraham Abramowitz, for being in possession of a kilo of Acapulco Gold, a very high quality Mexican Marijuana.
Read full storyGrey's Anatomy Star Seeks Treatment for Verbal Diarrhea
Grey's Anatomy star, Isaiah Washington, announced today that he will be checking himself into rehab. But he will not be undergoing a twelve step program aimed at overcoming an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Instead, the actor will be u...
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