Why Kurds don't mix with Rice and Turkey
The head of Iraq's Kurdish regional government has refused to meet with the US secretary of state Condoleezza Rice. US politicians have accused the Kurds of shunning her due to American support...
Read full storyNorthern Rock Bail Out
Chancellor Alistair Darling has announced debt consolidation arrangements to relieve the Treasury's exposure to the Northern Rock and avoid its imminent nationalisation.
Read full storyNoshing Mink's Lost World Part III
In the last installment, I was rescued from an angry tree by Jane of the Jungle but didn't get any. In this episode, we discover the dinosaurs...
Read full storyTeen Sex Linked to Color of Shirt
WASHINGTON - In a startling report issued today by researchers at the Center for Science in the Pubic Interest, statistics show that teenagers are 78% more likely to have sex if they wear white shirts with collars.
Read full storyNick Clegg: I Proper Loves It
Nick Clegg has won the race to become leader of the Liberal Democrats. In a 'gloves off' battle that left a nasty taste in ones mouth he finally defeated Chris Huhne.
Read full storyKaka is a hit with the fans and the FIFA's World Player of the Year; though he still refuses to apologize for his name
Milan, Italy - Kaka, as a child growing up in the poor cesspool filled slums of Brazil, struggled to overcome the handicap of his name. Jeered by his schoolmates and neighborhood kids alike, Kaka, ironically was always last to be picked when it came...
Read full storyOsama Bin Ladin Converts to Christianity
Islamabad, Pakistan (IPP) - Billy Graham is currently on a world tour and is conducting his evangelical work in remote and dangerous places.
Read full storyWere Praia Da'Illusion couple working for the KGB asks Putin
Bloodyvostock - (Reuterusski): Outgoing Russian President Vladimir Putin has used the Moscow-Washington hotline to quiz President Bush about mounting speculation regarding the British holidaymakers suspected of being Portuguese arguidos.
Read full storyGiant rat found in 'lost world' of British Monarchy
House of Lords - (Reuterus): A giant rat fifty thousand times more corrupt than Robert Maxwell, Sir Oswald Mosely, Anthony Blunt and Lord Haw-Haw put together has been discovered underneath the cover of aristocratic ermine in the House of Lords.
Read full storyVoyager Reports Homesickness
NASA reported today that the latest monitoring of Voyager 1 had produced some startling results. Voyager 1, the first of two such probes launched in 1977 to survey the outer Solar system, has left the Heliosphere and is now in interstellar space some...
Read full story"No need for panic" as European Central Bank lends Northern Crock $500 billion
Shitty of London - (Insolvent Mess): The EU's ultimate lender of the last resort has given bankrupt Labour Party money-pit the Northern Crock Bank a whopping great big $500 billion (348.7bn euros/£249bn) hand-out "just in time for the festiv...
Read full storyWriters Strike Latest - Talk Show Hosts to be replaced with sock puppets
The latest victims of the American script writers strike could be fat-cat talk show hosts, whose dependence on auto cues for their dialogue has made them more of a liability than an asset. Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan...
Read full storyDear Diary
Dear Diary, Friday: Met Regina at Taco Bell. Made a date. Went to movie. She put my hand on her breast. Pulled away. Didn't touch...
Read full storyWorld bank releases first draft of imaginary money
A World Bank spokesman yesterday announced that it would be putting up 800 trillion dollars in imaginary money for other banks to borrow. This move was swiftly duplicated by major national banks around the developed world.
Read full storyBrown Plays Down Panic Fears As Discs Containing Information Of 'Everything On Earth' Go Missing
The government has announced in the House of Commons this morning that sixteen more computer discs containing ALL INFORMATION ON ANYTHING have been lost. Another disc holding information on the whereabouts of...
Read full storySouness To Take Over Scotland In New Year
Graeme Souness, the ex-Liverpool player and manager, though never player-manager, is rumoured to be on the verge of being confirmed as the next manager of the Scotland football team. His formal appoi...
Read full storyMillions of UK Christmas Cards Not Worth the Paper They're Written On
The government's new Christmas Card Protection Fund (CCPF), which aims to compensate workers who lose out when they receive Christmas cards from employers who then go bust, came into force today.
Read full storyBush Says Economy Is 'Pretty Good'
FREDERICKSBURG, Va. (FMLIVEWIRE) - President Bush has reassured a nervous public that the US economy is "pretty good" for rich Republicans as the housing market collapses, an international credit crisis accelerates and as prices surge for e...
Read full storyThe New England Patriots to Lend Support to War on Terror
Boston, MA - The New England Patriots, which remain undefeated for the 2007 season, offered their support to help fight the war on terror.
Read full storyNew Internet Poll Shows Ron Paul Leading With 120%
Charleston, SC - A recent online poll conducted recently showed Presidential candidate Ron Paul leading the other candidates with 120% of responses in his favor. Criticisms have arose regarding the authenticity of such online polls, which seem to def...
Read full storyAboriginal Peoples May Have Practiced Contraception
CANADIAN PRESS - A newly discovered inscription, believed to be Native American in origin, has given birth to the theory that some of the early Aboriginal peoples of North America may have practiced contraception.
Read full storyPaul campaign claims media blackout
The campaign office for Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul hammered national media for what they claimed has been a news "blackout" on the congressman from Texas.
Read full storyAdolescents at Buckley E. Filbertamous Middle discover new game
Adolescents at Buckley E. Filbertamous Middle discovered a new game today as they played in the gym during intramurals this morning. Three eighth grade classes assembled this morning as students were given long colored strips of material to hang from...
Read full storyHistorians trace Santa to exiled Finnish child molester poet
Historians at Harvard University said today that they have discovered a link between the modern day Santa Clause, the Dutch Sinter Klaas and exiled child molester and 17th century Finnish poet, Lisko Alapartanen, roughly translated, "Mr. lower b...
Read full story"Have you got any oxygen?" - An actor working as a theatre usher in London's West End
"Hi diddley dee, an actor's life for me." So sings Honest John in Disney's Pinocchio, followed by a long list of reasons why being an actor is great. The sad reality for anyone brave (or stupid) enough to actually choose the actor's life for them,…
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