"No need for panic" as European Central Bank lends Northern Crock $500 billion

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

image for "No need for panic" as European Central Bank lends Northern Crock $500 billion
Northern Crock Bank has now had over £1,000 billion in 'soft loans'

Shitty of London - (Insolvent Mess): The EU's ultimate lender of the last resort has given bankrupt Labour Party money-pit the Northern Crock Bank a whopping great big $500 billion (348.7bn euros/£249bn) hand-out "just in time for the festive City of London Xmas Bonus season."

"We couldn't just stand by and do nothing while all those traders white-knuckled it out in the City's moshe-pit," European Central Bank CEO Jorgen Dosh-Heist said today.

The ECB is one of five central banks that have injected billions in emergency cash into the Crock. Their subvention now brings the total funds poured into this massive fraudulent financial institution to a staggering £1,000 billion.

"Peanuts, in real terms of course!" UK Chancellor Alistair Darling said today on the lunchtime TV news.

Meanwhile at Virgin HQ Richard Branson welcomed the move and said he was still the Government's preferred bidder to take over the ailing institution despite market qualms about his suitability to handle over a trillion pounds of UK and EU taxpayers' money.

"I can utterly refute the suggestion this is all one helluva scam," Branson said.

"The very idea that I'm somehow going to use these £1,000 billion of loans to secretly finance my Virgin InterGalactic Space Shuttle business is, of course, ludicrous."

Ludicrous, indeed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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