Nick Clegg: I Proper Loves It

Funny story written by The Colemeister

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

image for Nick Clegg: I Proper Loves It
Liberal Democrat activist 'Natureman' - he "proper loved that there speech'

Nick Clegg has won the race to become leader of the Liberal Democrats. In a 'gloves off' battle that left a nasty taste in ones mouth he finally defeated Chris Huhne.

Clegg's first speech as leader was an eye opener for modern politics. In front of various lefties, tree huggers, hippies, lesbians, homosexuals, benefit cheats and various assorted scumbags, Clegg delivered a winning speech, "I gert want the Liberal Democrats to be brilliant, I have massive balls to proper think up a better society and we are proper better than Labour, and whatever. This is a 'mazing chance to be brilliant and piss on their chips. They are just a bunch of nobheads really."

Sir Menzies Campbell was initially delighted, but then took a nasty turn and was overcome by an irrational fear that the Germans were coming. He was last seen hiding in a bush and shouting at passers by to get in their homes and 'turn the bloody lights out'.

Charles Kennedy was also delighted, but that was mainly down to the fact he had spent all day downing triple vodkas in Jack O'Flanagan's 'Rat's Arse' public house. He was quoted as saying, "Yesh, its good". He later joined Menzies Campbell in the bushes, and had a little sleep.

Chris Huhne stated that he was not 'bitter', but added that Clegg was a 'twat who probably gave himself a happy time whilst watching animal porn'. He went on to praise Clegg for his 'warmth, intelligence and energy', although it was probably too late after he had insinuated that Clegg was into bestiality.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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