The officially healthiest man in the world, Chris. P. Bacon, has died after having tested positive for the coronavirus COVID-19. Chris was admitted to hospital at 11.30 this morning, with three gunshot wounds to the chest, but died shortly after bein...
A self-isolating senior from Baltimore has discovered that internet porn 'is a thing', after spending the last sixteen days surfing the internet, and scrolling through dozens of online search results. 70-year-old Martha Mullett admitted, Monday, t...
Liverpudlian cab driver, Barry 'BJ' Cross, a thin man with pearly unnaturally-white teeth, is providing, in his mind, an essential service to visitors to the city made famous by the Beatles, football and stolen television sets and hubcaps. "When I...
The British snack and crisp community reacted with shock on Friday, when the UK Department of Food Resources announced that the nation’s Quaver reserves, long thought large enough to carry the country into the 22nd century, are, in fact, running dang...
Scott Needham, an unemployable layabout from Blackpool, who still lives with his mum, despite being nearly 30 years old, was filled with relief on Thursday, after doctors gave him the all-clear from the coronavirus, after he coughed non-stop for thre...
After this week's freezing weather and rain began to get to him, Hull resident, Scott Galloway, confirmed, on Thursday, that he is seriously considering packing it all up, and moving somewhere different, like Grimsby. “I hate the winters here, th...
David Pines, 65, from Fort Lauderdale, in Florida, sighs in exasperation, and checks the clock above his kitchen table for the tenth time in so many minutes. Wednesday, he had spent a long day working from home due to the imposed lockdown declared...
Duncan Whitehead, a 53-year-old author, businessman, and male model from Fort Lauderdale, was shocked and saddened Wednesday after receiving a sub-par rating and review from uber driver Jose Fernandez. The rating out of 5 given to Whitehead was 2, a...
A man shot and killed his wife and three other family members in Florida, before turning the gun on himself, according to a report in the Fort Lauderdale Times. The apparent murder-suicide happened on Sunday afternoon, whilst the family were in fo...
Citing a lack of visitors, spiralling food costs, and other financial issues due to the current global pandemic, Tatty Mullett's Travelling Circus and Freak Show announced they would be laying off nearly seventy members of staff, including clowns, f...
China’s military capabilities are growing deadlier and more technologically sophisticated, says former cabaret and TV star, Wee Jimmy Krankie. China is likely training for bombing strikes against American targets, and also strengthening its nuclear c...
Self-isolating Blackpool bachelor, John Hunt, 50, is dwelling and reflecting on his past, according to reports emanating from the northern seaside town. Hunt, who lives alone, is nostalgically reflecting on happier times, such as when he was a membe...
Assistant Commissioner Neil Basu demanded that officers maintain the British tradition of 'policing by consent', despite launching 'Operation Powertrip', the plan that calls for the harassment of joggers and easter egg shoppers, and the random shooti...
The coronavirus outbreak that has ravaged New York, Miami and other major US towns and cities, has many Africans feeling very glad they do not live in America. “I am glad I live in Lagos and not in New York or one of its surrounding boroughs and...
Thanks to the coronavirus, Corano has grabbed the No. 1 spot on Babynames.com list of most popular male baby names of 2020 so far. Sanitizrella was the most popular girl's name. "The overwhelming news saturation of the virus led to the popular...
Socialites, businesswomen, and models, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian, caused chaos yesterday, after misplacing the keys to Miami. The sisters were awarded the keys to the city in 2012, an honor bestowed upon them by the municipality after the sist...
The Prince of Wales has tested positive for coronavirus, Clarence House has announced, resulting in a revised succession schedule that could see Prince Harry and Meghan Markle being crowned King and Queen, while living abroad in Canada. Prince Ch...
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