Florida Man Working From Home Clock Watches Wishing For End Of Working Day

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Wednesday, 1 April 2020

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Pines

David Pines, 65, from Fort Lauderdale, in Florida, sighs in exasperation, and checks the clock above his kitchen table for the tenth time in so many minutes.

Wednesday, he had spent a long day working from home due to the imposed lockdown declared in Broward County, waiting until he could finally stop working, so he could go back to being lonely.

“It’s so annoying having to be here doing all this tedious e-mailing and messaging sat at my kitchen table, when I could be sitting all alone in my living room,” said Pines, telling reporters he was “counting down the minutes” until he could, at long last, stretch out on the sofa, and just feel empty inside for the rest of the evening.

“For the last two hours, I haven't done a thing. It's a slow day, so I have been sat here just twiddling my thumbs doing nothing. I have just been itching to get to my sofa, put on the TV, or porn - probably porn - and masturbate the night away, fall asleep, and do the same thing over again tomorrow. God, it feels like five o’clock will never come.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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