The British snack and crisp community reacted with shock on Friday, when the UK Department of Food Resources announced that the nation’s Quaver reserves, long thought large enough to carry the country into the 22nd century, are, in fact, running dangerously low.
“Due to a combination of coronavirus, which has led to stockpiling, and last summer's heatwave, which caused reserves to go soft in their bags, leading to millions of bags being thrown out," said spokesperson Keith Gilchrist, a lanky man with eyebrows like brushes and teeth like tombstones, “Quavers were destroyed en-masse - Quavers that hundreds of thousands of people rely on every day."
Gilchrist, whose BO was overpowering, warned that the stocks would take years to be replenished.
As of Friday, the price of one packet of Quavers was up to £67.
Quavers. Thank God Wotsit reserves are at an all-time high. Phew.