Despite trying really hard, the town of Wilsonville, North Dakota, just couldn’t come together after a horrible tragedy befell the community. “This is just too much to come back from,” said town mayor Steven Sanders. “People have just thrown in th...
The Imagine Dragons played a sold out concert this week where most people had fun except a bitter, angry father who couldn't stop complaining. "I paid good money to come to the concert to sit on a blanket on a lawn and stare at the backsides of o...
The director of a depressing movie blames the ELO song in the trailer for the movie tanking at the box office. "When you hear an ELO song in the trailer, it means that the movie is quirky, funny, and hip," said director, Sam Rutger. "Why they chos...
The other horses in the Royal Wedding procession through Windsor said they were thoroughly embarrassed by the behavior of the lead horse. “He was carrying on like a bloody spoiled colt, snorting and bucking and trotting out of line. I was embarras...
In a wide-ranging interview at his son’s lacrosse practice, an area man discussed things he has no idea about, like bitcoin. “I have no idea what bitcoin is or why people talk about it,” he said. “I’m a 50- year old man and it’s just something I d...
One of the most longest named bands of the 1980s, Billy Stringbean and the Pufferfish, are making a comeback with their new album, Songs About Rocking. The highly-anticipated album is being accompanied by a tour, which kicked off last week in Cinc...
It’s common knowledge that most people secretly dislike their parents, blaming them for their problems in life and resenting how they raised them. This, of course, creates challenges every May when Mother’s Day rolls around. You don’t want the woman...
Since the beginning of time, man has believed in conspiracy theories. In fact, even before man, dinosaurs believed in conspiracy theories too. For example, the history books tell us that a meteor hit the earth and wiped out all the dinosaurs. But man...
The 1970s were a glorious time when hippies roamed the Earth, streaking was encouraged, and you could literally throw empty beer cans out the window while driving. But there are many questions about this era that have long baffled sociologists. Many...
The ex-girlfriend of the Deep Blue Something lead singer revealed this week that she actually hates the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s. She only said she liked it because he was being so pathetic trying to hold on to something from their relationshi...
U.S. lawmakers peppered Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg with questions about the social media platform when he testified before the Senate Subcommittee on Grandstanding and Pontificating this week. “Mr. Zuckerberg, there’s something I find very troub...
A football player claims the opposing quarterback illegally used The Force to alter the outcome of last night’s game. “There’s no question in my mind that The Force made us lose,” said James Tebucky, cornerback for the local football team. Tebuc...
A new study by the American Banking Association finds that dolphins are better prepared for retirement than most Americans. “Dolphins are incredibly savvy when it comes to saving for retirement,” said Harry Schmedlap, director of sea mammal invest...
A well-known major league baseball player announced his retirement from the game yesterday because he hates baseball. "I have so many regrets," said Josh Batson, who announced at spring training that he’s hanging up his cleats. “I hate basebal...
After 40 years of taking his "daily constitutional," an area man is shocked to discover what a "constitutional" actually is. "I thought it meant taking a crap," said Phil Buttons, an area man who lives in the area. For 40 years, Buttons had proudl...
The small European nation of Chevroni lost its war with the middle eastern nation Texico last Sunday after forgetting to bring the weapons. "It happens," said Chevroni General Stephen Stanford. "We had them all ready to go, but then things got cra...
Scientists say our addiction to phones and the prevalence of attention deficit disorder (ADD) in both kids and adults can lead to very awkward conversations. To illustrate the problem, researchers at the University of Southwestern Maine University...
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