Written by Dave Henry

Friday, 4 May 2018

image for Star Wars and Other Conspiracy Theories

Since the beginning of time, man has believed in conspiracy theories. In fact, even before man, dinosaurs believed in conspiracy theories too. For example, the history books tell us that a meteor hit the earth and wiped out all the dinosaurs. But many dinosaurs believe that it was not a meteor that caused the Ice Age but a blast from a powerful planet destroying laser shot from a far-off space station in the middle of the galaxy.

“There had been rumors of a so-called Death Star in the middle of the galaxy built by something called the Galactic Empire,” wrote one of the leading diplodocus philosophers of the day in an ancient diary found buried 100 feet below a Home Depot in Columbus, Ohio. “From what we hear, they blew the planet Alderan to smithereens in their quest to become the ultimate power in the universe. We fear that we may be next,” the dinosaur diary reads.

Whether the dinosaurs were rendered extinct by this Evil Empire a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away is pure speculation. But it has survived lo these many years among tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists.

This is just one of many conspiracy theories that seem to take on a life of their own in internet chat rooms. Another popular conspiracy theory is that Saddam Hussein was the original drummer in the Little River Band. Just before the Aussie band hit it big in the 1970s, Hussein was supposedly booted from the band over creative differences. Hussein, with his untamed rock and roll hair swaying side to side, wanted to sing four-part harmony with his Barry Gibb style falsetto but the band told him to stay behind the drums or take a walk. Frustrated, Saddam ended up leaving the band and was forever turned off from music, deciding to go back to college to pursue a career as an authoritarian strongman.

Yes, there are a lot of crazy conspiracy theories out there. For example, some actually believe that JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald. Others think that Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Still others believe that Elvis Presley is dead, the Illuminati doesn’t exist, and that Santa Claus isn’t a KGB spy. Where do they come up with this stuff?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Star Wars




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