Written by Dave Henry

Saturday, 19 May 2018

image for Other Horses Embarrassed by Lead Horse in Royal Wedding Procession
The horse in happier times

The other horses in the Royal Wedding procession through Windsor said they were thoroughly embarrassed by the behavior of the lead horse.

“He was carrying on like a bloody spoiled colt, snorting and bucking and trotting out of line. I was embarrassed to be a horse,” said one of the other horses.

They believe he was upset because he wanted to be the horse that pulled the carriage as opposed to be out front with a guy on him.

“I’ll let you in on some inside info, all the horses want to be pulling the carriage. That’s like being quarterback of the football team or the lead singer in a band,” the horse said. “When he learned that the night before that he wouldn’t be pulling the carriage, he threw a fit.”

The horse went on an all night bender throughout Windsor, drinking out of control from gutters and puddles and gorging on oats. On the morning of the wedding, he stumbled in completely disheveled, unruly, and over tired.

“The worst part of it was the man assigned to ride him,” said the horse source. “He was assigned the worst guy in the parade.”

Horses generally don’t like to be ridden by men, because they are heavy and their girth on a horse’s back is painful. Plus, all the kicking and pulling and tugging is just not enjoyable, he explained. But there are degrees of uncomfortableness. Some riders are worse than others.

The horse in question got assigned the smelliest, heaviest rider, which added insult to injury.

‘The guy was farting on him throughout the procession, that I know for a fact, because I heard them, and smelled them,” the horse source said.

But as unpleasant as that is, it’s still no excuse to act out like he did.

“You suck it up and do your job. Be a professional. He made it all about him when it should have been about the Royal couple.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Royal Wedding




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