Army Suffers First Loss of the Season, Vows to Win Next War

Funny story written by Dave Henry

Friday, 23 March 2018

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It’s hard to win a war without weapons

The small European nation of Chevroni lost its war with the middle eastern nation Texico last Sunday after forgetting to bring the weapons.

"It happens," said Chevroni General Stephen Stanford. "We had them all ready to go, but then things got crazy, we were running late, and the next thing you know, we forgot them."

Chevroni leadership didn't realize that they left the weapons home until they got to the war zone.

"We ended up making it to the war zone on time, but when we got there and went to unload the transports, we realized there were no weapons," said Stanford.

Stanford took responsibility for the miscue.

"Listen, I could sit here and make excuses, tell you I had three Majors call in sick, tell you that my alarm didn't go off, but I'm not going to do that. Ultimately, the buck stops here -- it was my fault that we forgot the weapons,” said Stanford.

Stanford said it's one of the potential hazards of fighting a war on the road.

"When you're fighting a war at home, it's obviously much easier. But road wars are tough. You have to be prepared to travel and we weren't," he said.

Chevroni was forced to forfeit the war. It was their first war loss. Their record is now 6-1.

"We had been on a really good roll as an army, so while this loss is disappointing, we feel like we're still a good army," said Stanford. “We’ll bounce back in the next war.”

For Texico, it was their first win in three wars.

"It's not how we hoped to get the victory, but a win is a win," said Texico General Andre Torkelson. "We'll take it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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