Amersterdamit - A group of highly-organized stoners known as The High As Fuck Games are reportedly close to obtaining approval to host what would be the very first, bi-annual event, similar to the Olympics... But where the competitors will all be…
The US DEA has just stated that Britney Spears' "Just Say Hell No To Drugs" program is a tremendous hit in 49 of the states. A spokesman for the DEA, Lionel Boocastle, divulged that the only state where the drug program did not work was in Alabama…
Ipso Facto News Agency writer Sinclair Petaluma brings an action-packed report of the daring capture of a cartel submarine off the coast of Redondo Beach by US Drug Enforcement agents. According to a DEA spokesperson, federal agents successfully i…
The owner of a strip club in, yes, you guessed it... Florida, has heard the Def Leppard hit, Pour Some Sugar On Me, one too many times, and has officially banned the song from being played by any of the strippers in his club—no matter how hot they ar…
Would anyone want a Pet Hippo? They are three tons of wet fun - but you have to live on a lake or river - or be put in a very large Hippo Pool. Colombian Drug Kingpin Pablo Escobar imported them to a Colombian river 10 years ago - when he ra…
So you wanna be a drug mule? Sure, lots of celebrities and politicians and Trump children NEED the product you have shoved up your ass, but have you even thought about other career choices? Fuck that, coke pays good, so why flip burgers when a few…
Border Patrol agents recently discovered the latest way to smuggle Cocaine into the U. S. - Chihuahuas. A border patrol agent in El Paso noticed a white substance dripping from a Chihuahua’s rear orifice - picked the Dog up and took a deep Snif…
MEDELLIN, Colombia - (Satire News) - The government of Colombia has just stated that their top export has just become sodium-free cocaine. Alejandro Silverio De Las Buenas, a spokesman for the government noted that after years of testing, retestin…
LAREDO, Texas - (Satire News) - United States Drug Enforcement Administration Agents stationed in Laredo, are reporting one of the biggest cocaine seizures in recent history. DEA spokesperson Grover P. Zander, 42, said that the 4,000 pounds of ref…
EL GUAPO, PORTUGAL - (Satire News) - A player who plays for The Wanking Warriors of The English Premiership Rugby Union was caught with 30 pounds of refined Swiss marijuana in a suitcase in his Tesla truck. The player identified as Rolf P. Gladsto…
FORT MYERS, Florida - (Satire News) - Cosmos News Service reporter Dylan Fresco, reports that Fort Myers police investigated a report filed by a local drug dealer who said that after Hurricane Ian hit, looters broke into his car and made off with 79…
Israeli Archaeologists, in S. W. Israel, found Canaanite grave sites with pottery shaped like opium buds. Traces of opium were in the pots. Experts speculate the mourners smoked Opium and got high at the grave site - as part of the burial ceremo…
Why can’t I git me no crack? Or heroin? How about opium, the thing the saved the British Empire from extreme debt from over-expanding its empire. Get the Chinese hooked on a drug, take over Shanghai and other parts of the foreign country, and you’ve…
TIJUANA, Mexico - (Satire News) - Boom Boom News (Mexico) reports that a highly trained Guatemalan drug cartel cat named Bobby, is responsible for smuggling over 900 pounds of cocaine from Guatemala into Mexico, and into the US, just since Jan. 1, of…
Since Elon Musk joked about buying Coca-Cola and returning it to the original recipe using cocaine, serious investors and inventors have been giving consideration to other food and drinks consumed by billions of people every day. Try the new Meth…
NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - In one of the most unusual stories to come down the Pike, BuzzFuzz is reporting that a very popular clown who has been with the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus for 9 years has just been let go. Ike Rack…
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The US Customs Agency is reporting that due to the cocaine shortage in Colombia, US drug dealers are having to resort to importing secondary cocaine from Portugal. The government of Portugal has expressed to the…
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