Walmart Acquires War

Funny story written by Oddbob

Friday, 20 April 2007

image for Walmart Acquires War
Field artillery issued by Walmart for use in Iraq

Citing rising costs in the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the U.S. Defense Department today unveiled a deal that puts Walmart in charge of running the war.

President and Chief Executive Officer of the Bentonville, Arkansas based retail giant, H. Lee Scott, Jr. says this is an exciting moment in Walmart's history. "We plan to bring the same efficiencies that have made us so successful in business to the war effort."

Scott is optimistic about Walmart's future in the Middle East. "We hope to bring a quick end to the war and install a democratic, capitalist government in Iraq, all at everyday low prices."

Scott skirted questions about weapons made in Third-World countries for pennies and the use of off-brand body armor knock-offs, instead choosing to look beyond the borders of the current conflict. "Walmart's next objective will be in North Korea. I'm sure we can find a way to build a nuclear bomb at less cost, and can bring the technology to the average homeowner at an affordable price point."

U.S. President George Bush hailed the groundbreaking agreement. "This is another example of how the private sector can do a job better than the government at less cost." Bush says he will monitor the situation to determine if other government sectors can be similarly outsourced. "R.J Reynolds and Shell Oil have expressed interest in operating Congress, and the company that produces the Jerry Springer Show has already made an offer to manage the Supreme Court."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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