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Funny satire stories about Walmart

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Funny story: Walmart Announces That All of Their Store Greeters Will Now Be Armed With Glock-9 Handguns

Walmart Announces That All of Their Store Greeters Will Now Be Armed With Glock-9 Handguns

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The biggest retailer in the entire world has just informed the news media that effective immediately, all of their front-of-the-store greeters will be equipped with Glock-9 handguns, which they will have in plain view.

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Funny story: A Senator From Montana Brags That Her State Has No White Supremacist Racists

A Senator From Montana Brags That Her State Has No White Supremacist Racists

HELENA, Montana – (Satire News) – Senator Rosetta V. Nipniller, was interviewed by Kitty Segovia with the iNews Agency and she said that she would not want to live anywhere else but in the Big Sky state. The senator bragged that Montana has the bl…

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Funny story: A Naked Female Walmart Shopper Throws a Fit When A Security Guard Frisks Her

A Naked Female Walmart Shopper Throws a Fit When A Security Guard Frisks Her

PICKLE TREE, Ohio – (Satire News) - A woman who walked into a local Walmart totally nude told one of the retail salesclerks that she was going to buy clothes and underwear. The clerk quickly called the store security guard, since the female was c…

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Funny story: A Missouri Con Artist is Arrested For Selling Fake Tsunami Insurance

A Missouri Con Artist is Arrested For Selling Fake Tsunami Insurance

JOPLIN, Missouri – (Satire News) – Police in Joplin, Missouri have taken Wally B. Haymarket into custody after receiving dozens of complaints from local residents. It appears that Wally, who stands 6-foot-10-inches tall, but weighs only 142 pounds…

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Funny story: Napoleon Bonaparte spotted at Walmart

Napoleon Bonaparte spotted at Walmart

He was last seen being placed in a coffin sometime in the 1820s but in an amazing moment a shopper at Walmart in Washington, DC., has positively identified the former Emperor of France, Napoleon Bonaparte, making his way through the aisles. Author…

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Funny story: A Woman Becomes Pregnant While Waiting in Line at an Arkansas Walmart

A Woman Becomes Pregnant While Waiting in Line at an Arkansas Walmart

HOT SPRINGS, Arkansas – A Walmart security guard with 17 years experience, said he saw a very unusual thing while on night duty at a local Walmart. Security guard, Fabian Gribble, told the local authorities that a woman, who said her name was Bets...

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Funny story: Three Women at a Walmart Involved in a Brawl Over Charmin Toilet Paper

Three Women at a Walmart Involved in a Brawl Over Charmin Toilet Paper

SAGINAW, Michigan – Police were called to a local Walmart, after reports that three quite hefty women started fighting over a package of Charmin Toilet Paper. Store manager, Conzuelo Buckingbaum, 42, said that she was walking by the toilet paper a...

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Funny story: Traffic Violations on the Rise in Wal Mart Stores

Traffic Violations on the Rise in Wal Mart Stores

When electric carts made their debut in Wal Mart stores years ago, much of the public viewed them as a compassionate convenience for those with serious mobility issues. Today public opinion seems to be turning against cart-going patrons. Don't get...

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Funny story: Wall Opponents Demonstrate and Show Their Hate of Walls

Wall Opponents Demonstrate and Show Their Hate of Walls

Opponents of a national wall on the U.S.-Mexico Border had a giant demonstration yesterday. Fueling the crowd, a bonfire was started using "The Wall" albums by Pink Floyd and Wall Street Journals. Videotapes of "The Wolf of Wall Street," Wall Street"...

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Funny story: Walmartians have taken over the world

Walmartians have taken over the world

Back in the old days, people used to collect themselves at the cave in the middle of the woods, look up at the stars and the constellations and make up stories about the various diagrams they saw in the sky. You know, Orion, The Big Dipper, The Littl...

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Funny story: Sanders Supporters Begin "Occupy Walmart"--Pledge To Hold Out Indefinitely

Sanders Supporters Begin "Occupy Walmart"--Pledge To Hold Out Indefinitely

With Hillary Clinton as the presumptive nominee for the Democrats, some Bernie Sanders supporters are now executing their Occupy Walmart strategy in a last ditch effort to win Sanders the nomination. Nearly 40,000 Occupy volunteers will protest an...

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Funny story: New Thanksgiving Holiday Of 'Gratitude' Started For Those Who Must Work On The Real Thanksgiving.

New Thanksgiving Holiday Of 'Gratitude' Started For Those Who Must Work On The Real Thanksgiving.

In response to the overwhelming growth of Black Friday and its exploitation of the employees who must work in the service industry labor unions, families, certain compassionate government leaders and religious figures have petitioned and won governme...

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Funny story: Overdressed Man Accidentally Walks Into Walmart

Overdressed Man Accidentally Walks Into Walmart

When 38-year old Jeff O'Mairs went to Walmart last Sunday afternoon overdressed, repercussions were severe. A blast of Facebook rants and Instagram photos of him shopping while wearing a suit in the paper goods aisle went viral. The perpetrator...

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Funny story: Rapper .50 cent Lowers His Price For Walmart Ad

Rapper .50 cent Lowers His Price For Walmart Ad

Los Angeles, CA - Rapper .50 cent has apparently completed terms on a contract with retail giant Walmart, in an agreement to cross-market one and others brands. The Walmart folks want America to know that there is nothing that they can't cut the pric...

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Funny story: Tracy Morgan settles suit with Walmart

Tracy Morgan settles suit with Walmart

Today Tracy Morgan, famed comedian and star of many funny programs, settled his automobile head-trauma case with not-so-funny Walmart. The terms of the settlement were confidential, but for a price, (undisclosed,) we were able to determine the gen...

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Funny story: Thin Women File Discrimination Charges Against Walmart - Say They favor Fatsos!

Thin Women File Discrimination Charges Against Walmart - Say They favor Fatsos!

US attorney Moishe Pipick announced today in Washington;"These aggrieved thin women have shown initial evidence supporting their claims that Walmart discriminates against them and all thin men and women in favor of hiring "fatsos!" What proof have...

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Funny story: Rich And Poor State What They Have To Be Thankful For This Thanksgiving - Mostly the Rich

Rich And Poor State What They Have To Be Thankful For This Thanksgiving - Mostly the Rich

"I am thankful that I have a job even though I have to work today 'cause my boss told me too." said Chad Shafted in a slight break between customers at 11 at night at the Des Plaines Walmart in Illinois. "I am thankful even though I am not being paid...

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