Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Migrant Balloon

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Saturday, 4 February 2023

image for Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Migrant Balloon
Why Climb Over the Wall When You Can Float? (Thanks for the idea, China!)

Migrants around the world are happy as hell, thanks to the Chinese showing the complete ineptness of NORAD and the ridiculous Americans. China and Russia are laughing their assholes off, and I’m kinda laughing too.

Migrants from Central and South America and Mexico who thought climbing over a wall was a good idea, now have an even better idea! Soon there will be tons of balloons with one man or woman or child each floating over the US southern border, and NORAD promises they will be tracked for a long, long time, but little will be done. Maybe they’ll shoot down each migrant, or maybe not. Depends if they can find anyone who knows how to fly an airplane ... or who has a really good slingshot.

Greg Abbot, Gov of Texas, says “Fuck it. Let ‘em float all the way to Biden’s house. If they make it through Texas, more power to them, I ain’t shooting them down.”

Rishi Nishi of Great Britain is worried. A secret recording has surfaced, unedited, since he was at a $500 dollar breakfast to support poverty. “Holy fuck, the Chinese did what? And the Americans didn’t do what? What if our migrants stop surfing across the Channel on rubber tubes and instead fly over the fucking Channel – I mean, it’s not that big – in a fucking balloon! Good Christ – more waffles? I mean a fucking balloon showed the world how fucking stupid all those airplanes and jet fighters and radars stations and satellites – where was Elon in all this? Can’t he save us, since NORAD clearly can only track fucking Santa Fucking Claus but not a – what if it was a fucking nuclear missile! Holy Christ, we’re all gonna die. Syrup on that?”

Many questions raised, and hopefully someone will be getting fired soon, but then again, the government rarely fires its own people, unless they’re Muslim and have brown skin and like to piss off Republicans and the Democrats can’t do anything about it.

American politics may soon go the way of the dodo.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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