Little Girl's Headache Was Down To Tension

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 January 2021

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Tessie: a lot on her plate

A young girl with a splitting headache whose sorrowful image has been flashed across the front pages of most of the newspapers across the world, has said that it was, in fact, a terrible migraine she'd had for two days after a stressful day at school on Friday.

Tessie Tompkins, 7, a pupil at St. Vulnerable's in Shrewsbury, Shropshire, claimed that the end of the week is always a 'testing time' for her because of her class teacher's love of giving a spelling test on Friday afternoons - a test she never revises for.

Said Tessie:

"Our teacher, Mr. Barnacle, always gives us hard words to learn, and I get all worked-up about them. I get them all wrong, and it makes me sad."

Mr. Barnacle confirmed that he gives his students a spelling challenge every Friday, and most of them treat it as a bit of fun. He said:

"Most students enjoy it. Third place gets a star on the star chart, second gets two stars, and the winner gets three. There are some complex rules if any of the top three places are tied, but the majority think it's a game. Tessie is a bit of a grouch, however. We call her 'Tessie Tension'."

Tessie's friend, Alison, said she is rather a worrier:

"She's got a lot on her plate. She frets about school, exams, puberty, boyfriends, getting married, getting pregnant, and now this bloody Coronavirus caper!"

"As well as everything else," said Tessie's mum, "she's lost her favourite dolly somewhere."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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