Are you worried about funeral costs?

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Friday, 20 November 2020

image for Are you worried about funeral costs?
Vultures - nature's waste disposal for humans

Death is a hard time of life. What would be your preferred method of death? How would your family dispose of your flesh?

These questions cause most people anguish at some time in their life. So why not put your mind at ease with one of Vulture Funerals' simple but effective packages?

For just £300, a professional pack of wild vultures will pick your skeleton clean, leaving just a few bones that your surviving pet dog will enjoy.

For our £600 luxury package, you can be fed to a big cat with experience of man-eating at Chaffinch St Cock Animal Sanctuary.

Don't worry, we'll make sure you're dead first, so you won't end up being eaten alive. It's part of our "no customers eaten alive" promise, which over 80% of our customers' relatives have been happy to testify is a promise we kept.

If you'd like an intimate family send-off, then, for just £1,000, our Michelin-starred chef, Methew Dahmer, will bake you into a casserole for all the family to enjoy. Who knew granddad could taste so delicious?

So why not arrange your departure with Vulture Funerals? What are you waiting for? You could be dead tomorrow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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