Many obituaries aspire to greatness, but few can match the memorials this week for lard-arsed coke-fiend Diego Maradona, who died aged 60. "I couldn't believe what I was reading," said death expert Geoff Ashes. "It's what we in the business call l…
Colchester Castle is famous for being a huge Norman keep. Less well known is that the castle was built on the foundations of a Roman temple. A recent dig discovered that a part of the area had been used as a Gladiator graveyard. Professor Mike…
I am really very uncomfortable with the idea that some hack at the Huffington Post or the local newspaper, or worse, some well-meaning friend, or an angry relative whom I left out of my will, will have the chore, or as the case may be, the joy of writing my obituary. As the saying goes, "if you want something done well, do it yourself." And after all, once your obit is done, it can't be undone...
For the 700th time this year "The Most Remarkable and Kindest Person You Would Wish To Meet" has sadly died. This comes after the recent 475th death of "He was a great Man" and comes hot on the heals of the tragic demise of "He was the best son ev...
Victoria Springs,ID- Rodger Franks, the cross-dressing crossing guard beloved by generations of Victoria Springs Idaho school children was found dead in his undergarments just hours after he failed to show up for his afternoon shift in front of Victo...
An unopened yogurt quietly expired last night after spending several days lodged between a shriveled tomato and a jar of mayonnaise in a Florida mans refrigerator. The yogurt, purchased in mid November, was survived by a can of diet coke and a blo...
It is with some sadness, but mostly with hilarious laughter, that we announce the passing of Lord Simon Saunders QC. He passed away aged eighty-three years and one week after a short and comical illness. He spent much of his life trying to help others (buy him pints). He became the youngest QC in British history at the age of three months. Unfortunately, he was unable to practice because o...
Harry Postlethwaite July 2nd 1923 - July 30th 2012. The death has occurred of one of the area's least talented poets. Harry Postlethwaite worked for most of his life as a milkman in and around Saddleworth. Between his milk deliveries he would compose poetry, most of which he discarded as rubbish, and published only a few poems a year, which most of the public classed as rubbish. Harry's pro...
Frickin,Ohio- Alfred Frickin, the most widely know Philanthropist of the past century passed away peacefully while flying cross-country in his Frickin Lear Jet. Among other things Mr. Frickin is credited with building over 2,000 libraries in cities a...
Oshkosh, WI-Joseph Lupinsky, known as "Jo Jo the Dog-eared Page", has died at the age of 79. Jo Jo was born with abnormally long auricula which flapped in the wind as he ran. Adding to his woes were his large sorrowful eyes and a prominent probos...
The man best known for playing saxophone on the 1978 Gerry Rafferty hit "Baker Street" has died. However, Bob Holness, aged 83, didn't actually play on the track at all. For the last thirty years, Holness has been cursed with being identified with...
The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs announced today that Popeye the sailor had died after eating spinach that was tainted with E. Coli bacteria. The USDA had issued warnings concerning possible bacterial exposure from tainted spinach a couple...
The most wicked obituary writer in London has died in mysterious circumstances. He was found in a busy coffee shop at tea time with his veins drained entirely of blood. The murder by exsanguination is said to have happened while other customers...
Fitness guru, Jack La Lanne, died last week, healthy at age 96. To celebrate his 70th birthday and show off his fitness, La Lanne had himself shackled and then towed 70 people in 70 rowboats across Long Beach harbor. He later confessed to having a...
Funeral for a friend. - The once mighty social networking giant, Myspace, died yesterday afternoon after a long, hard-fought battle with Zuckerberginoma, a common form of web cancer caused by the Facebook virus. It was 7. Launched in the summer o...
Vinny "Two Guns" Banducci, 76, of Newark, New Jersey, left this earth on Saturday, December 11, 2010 after a lengthy and rare illness resulting from an over production of Testosterone. Vinny was survived by his wife, Nina of 39 years, brother Vito and sister Donna, with close and personal friends Scarlett Sparkles of Las Vegas, Nevada, Candy Kane of Atlantic City, New Jersey, Passion Alvarez...
Punk Rock died this week due to commercialisation, aged just 40 years old. Punk Rock was born in the early 70s, and hung around with various bands in its toddler years, such as the Sex Pistols, The Ramones and various others. As the years went by, Punk Rock was accepted by more people during its teenage years, and was the cause of many heated tensions between the police and its friends. Punk...
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