Burma earning praise from human rights activists over humane genocide

Funny story written by joshjenkins420

Saturday, 19 September 2020

image for Burma earning praise from human rights activists over humane genocide
Burmese soldiers

The government of Myanmar is earning positive recognition from human rights activists and the United Nations for its humane and cruelty free genocide of the Rohingya people. It’s not just for how they are treating minority groups chosen to be liquidated, but how they’re killing them.

In the Rohingya village of Yehiwada, every corpse comes from a tribal person who was entertained by music, television and candy before being murdered or sterilized.

“We honestly believe it’s the best way to take land,” said Burmese general Aung Swe.

Even with higher than normal murder rates, business is booming.

“If we can buy land from someone who is really looking after the hated, subhuman races we are replacing, I think that’s really important,” one potential colonist said.

A new survey finds nine out of ten U.S. voters would support a humane genocide, largely because of record-exposing historical abuse.

Human rights expert U Thakin has designed systems that reduce the stress and fear felt by civilians being genocided.

U Thakin says it’s the right thing to do, but it also improves land quality.

“If the members of the hated, parasite race get all happy and excited right before we fire bomb their village, the survivors are less likely to revolt,” he said.

International law already criminalized the intentional elimination of religious and ethnic groups due to potential suffering. But a recent study by international watchdog groups shows that gruesome violations do occur. In addition, international law does not cover genocide based on political views, sexuality or class.

“This is a gap in the law that should shock the world conscious,” said Human Rights Council President Pablo Bruguera.

One North Korean general was shocked into action.

“We do this because it is the right thing to do,” said General Pak Chol-bom who runs Reeducation Camp 21 in Hamhung.

From internment to execution, they do things differently.

“We need to make sure we are doing everything we can to have the dissident have the most humane lifestyle possible,” Pak said.

But it’s how Reeducation Camp 21 are treated at execution that’s winning praise from the Human Rights Council and even Amnesty International.

Traditional processing includes dipping dissidents into vats of acid while alive, and beheading them as they scream.

At Reeducation Camp 21, dissidents are moved in crates through chambers slowly filled with carbon. The CO2 puts them to asleep. When the thought criminals emerge, they remain in a deep sleep as they’re hung upside down for beheading.

“It makes for a much more humane process to handle the traitor to state when they can not feel and know what is going on,” Pak said.

The system costs about $3 million. As for Myanmar, the army consulted with U Thakin. They eliminate a few villagers a week in quiet buildings using a cap and bolt pistol that instantly destroys the brain.

“There’s no screaming, no crying, it’s very calm,” Aung Swe said.

To ensure their methods are humane, both Myanmar and North Korea are certified by independent third parties recognized by the United Nations.

U Thakin says many special forces groups do an excellent job and that it’s not just the right equipment, but right management as well.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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