Trump and Johnson to be replaced by 2-year-old toddlers!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 25 June 2020

image for Trump and Johnson to be replaced by 2-year-old toddlers!
Our latest Messiah to lead us out of our miseries and woes! No doubt better than what we have now!

Sensational news coming out of the White House and number 10 Downing Street!

A group of Harvard and Oxford University professors have accumulated a questionnaire for both world leaders regarding global, important matters. They also gave the same questionnaire to a US and a UK toddler; here are their results from four major factors relating to the global population:

Question 1) Trump, Johnson, what are your answers to a solution for the Corona pandemic?

Answer Trump: "No more tests, then we will have less infections, and be the number 1 nation on the planet who defeated this damn virus - China, fuck off!"

Answer BOJO slightly more sophisticated: "Well, I will order Brits to keep safe distancing at 1 meter, 2 meters, 2.5 meters, wear masks and don't wear masks, go to their local boozers wearing masks, but when pissed, who gives a fuck!"

Answer toddlers: Gobbledygook, goobley de goo, goo, goo!

Professors' assumption: Toddlers win hands down!

Question 2) Trump, Johnson, what is your solution for police brutality against the black fraternity?

Answer Trump: "Our police forces are doing a great job and applying their knees where necessary. What's the problem?"

Answer BOJO, less brutal: "Well, I have ordered our brilliant police force to arrest petty black criminals and kick the crap out of them! If they're white, just say 'be a good boy, run home now, and if we catch you again, we'll tell your mummy and daddy!'"

Answers toddlers: Gobbledygook, gobbleygoo goo, goo!,

Professors' assumption: Toddlers win hands down again!

Question 3) Trump, Johnson, what is your answer to climate change and world trade with China and the EU?

Answer Trump: "I hate the Chinese, hate Germans, hate anything beyond our great nation, and Yanks should drive only Chrysler, Ford, or Dodge! As for climate change, ask that Swedish teeny dumbo!"

Answer BOJO: "Well, Donald and me agree on one thing, German products are crap and I have ordered all Brits to only drive Chrysler, Ford, or Dodge. This will also clear our motorways of traffic jams because 75% of Brits drive German cars! Climate change; we should all learn Swedish!"

Answer toddlers: Goobleydo da dum do di da!

Professors' assumption: Toddlers win hands down once again!

Question 4) Trump, Johnson, what is your solution for legal and illegal immigration into your nations?

Answer Trump: "Keep 'em out - we don't want any more, especially Mexicans, South Americans, all bandidos, and high-tech Germans, just too damn clever, keep them out, too!"

Answer BOJO, slightly nearer to home because he didn't want to insult his EU neighbours before a no-trade deal is ratified in October: "Well, as far as I'm concerned, and my good pals from the far-right too, Eastern Europeans can stay where they are, but we do have a slight dilemma; who the fuck is going to pick our cabbages?"

Answer toddlers: Gubbleydepoop, poo, poo, poo!

Professors' assumption: No doubt US/UK toddlers possess more intellect, intelligence, and affinity with humankind than the two morons leading these once great nations.

Professors' solution: In September/October 2020, both idiots will be removed by FBI/MI5 dressed as ISIS terrorists (got to blame someone) and replaced by the two brilliant toddlers and their nannies! There is hope after all!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more