Local Resident Admits: 2020's New Year's Resolution To Start Saving Leftover Ketchup Packets From Burger Shack Seems A Little Stupid Now

Written by SamIAm

Thursday, 9 April 2020

image for Local Resident Admits: 2020's New Year's Resolution To Start Saving Leftover Ketchup Packets From Burger Shack Seems A Little Stupid Now
Damn. Now I'm hungry.

Seattle, WA - A local factory worker here admitted to fellow employees that his New Year's resolution to save all the extra ketchup packets left over from his multiple daily trips to Burger Shack seemed "okay, a little stupid, I guess" in light of the global deaths from Covid-19.

Tim Harper, 23, says that, in January, the world was completely different.

"The things that are important to us can change in a heartbeat," says Harper. "I go to the Burger Shack at least nine times a week. I always get the Double Bubble Cheesy Slab with extra ketchup. They always give me too many packets."

Harper says that, at first, he always just threw them away,. "I never thought about it. Then, one day, I forgot to get ketchup for my fries, and thought, 'Damn! If I just had kept one of those packets I wouldn't be in this situation'. I tried for two years to save them, but kept forgetting. So, when 2020 came around, I thought this would be the perfect time to promise myself something and to stick to it. Save those packets! You bet I would!"

Harper now says that, in hindsight, it seemed rather stupid.

"I guess with thousands getting sick and thousands dying, I could have resolved to care more about my neighbor," says Harper. "Why save all these ketchup packets when no one's around to share them with?"

Harper promised to make drastic, personal changes, and said his New Year's resolution for next year would be to make better New Year's resolutions.

"I'm capable of great and sudden change for the better," Harper said. "I'll prove it next year!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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