Coronavirus threatens granny porn industry

Monday, 16 March 2020

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Geoff Gravycome prepares for his money shot by remembering how one time he saw a battleship sunk by a torpedo

For years, twisted perverts have pleasured themselves over classic geriatric porn with titles such as "Wrinkly Tits", "Dry, Dry Vages", and "Gravedodgers on Viagra". Yet now, the entire industry has shut down, as its stars are dropping like flies from coronavirus.

The porn genre is unlike most industries, as its actors average 63 years old, and are far more likely to be directly affected by the pandemic. The virus has already claimed famous elderly porn stars such as Gammy Drooper, Griselda Gumless, and "Grey" Alfred Kneeballs, with his famously saggy scrotum. They will be sorely missed.

While other porn studios have continued to operate, although with a reduced output, the granny porn genre has had to shut down completely. One surviving actress, Harriet McUnt, 77, moped that she did not know if she would work again. She had been due to begin filming with aged porn actor Geoff Gravycome, 86. "I spoke to him just last week, and he was raring to go. But by the time he gets hard again now, I'll be long dead."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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