Hello, this is Nigel Frickenhoffenpeppergotliceinmejeans, the world authority on all things poetry. During the pandemic, which some feel is still not over but no one wants to breathe their own garlic breath through a fucking mask anymore, so bring…
The White House, in a shocking development, announced that Janet Yellen has resigned as Treasury Secretary effective July 1. Her replacement will be Dr. Anthony Fauci who will also continue as Chief Medical Advisor to the President. The pr…
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The United States Department of Dreaded Diseases has just announced that cases of the Pig Pandemic (nicknamed "Piggypalooza") have gone down all the way to zero (0). USDDD spokesperson Rayshonna Wizzenbang, 40, s…
Don't blame Panera for the high cost ($15.50) for a large bowl of chicken soup. "Its not Panera's fault," said Ollie McDonald, the country's largest Noodle Chicken farmer," Most folks have never even heard about a noodle chicken. They come out of…
With rumors of QB Aaron Rodgers leaving the Green Bay Packers, Mr. Fauci has once again made an appearance. Aaron Rodgers is insisting that he will not go to another team, such as the Denver Broncos, without trusted receivers at his side. These…
(To be sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman") Donald the Con Man was a pissy mean old fool With a fake orange face and a bulbous nose And two eyes without a soul. Donald the Con Man is a sordid tale, they say. He was made of dough but the…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has just stated that the incidence of the Pig Virus has gone up just in the past 72 hours. The Pig Virus which is believed to have started just outside of Mar-a-Lago, Florida…
Suddenly emerging, and revealed here through diligent investigative work, a split personality disorder in National Health Advisor, Mr. Fauci, has startled some observers. Others find the two personas "entirely consistent." Depicted above, Mr. Fauc…
CANBERRA, Australia – (Satire News) – The Australian government has issued a very strict directive that anyone who violates their lockdown risks the possibility of getting shot, and not just in the leg either. A spokesperson for the government sai…
Associated Press--Details leaked out today that at a support group for anger management for deities, one of its attendees, the Universe, was heard to admit while tearing up that he was “so sorry” for the 689 million people worldwide who still live in…
"Spin-doctor Supremo", Dominic Cummings, has just revealed what really went on behind the sacred doors of the PM's residence during the first months of the Covid19 pandemic! Here exclusively for lovers of Jaggedone's pure impudence, and controversy,…
Washington, D.C.- After a stirring and emotionally short speech on Monday, acknowledging half-a-million U.S. Covid-19 deaths, President Biden then ordered a more drastic step, signing into law what officials are calling, The Flagpole Act. After co…
Many businesses have been forced to shut down during the pandemic, some of them permanently. But not all shops are suffering badly. This week in Chaffinch St Cock, Britain's first nail bar for dogs opened. Canine Chaffinch Nails is subject to the…
Bristol, England (A country in no way associated with the rest of Europe, for those American readers.) Scientists at Bristol Community College have discovered that singing Happy Birthday that many damn times in a single year can, indeed, lead to some…
Welcome back to our 'Beginners Guide..' series. Nine years has passed since our last edition was published, and with all that has gone on in the world, it seems well overdue to add to that legacy. So, how are you? How have you been? I would guess,…
Dr. Scott Atlas named “Man of the Year” THE WIRED STREET JOURNAL REPORTER; KR SCHWARTZ November 18th, 2020 White House Coronavirus Task Force MIC (Mountebank-in-Chief) Dr. Scott Atlas has just been named “Man of the Year” by the NFDMA (Natio…
Last week, President Donald Trump announced all Americans will likely be able to get a Covid-19 vaccine by Monday, November 2nd, which is, coincidentally, the day before the 2020 election. The CDC issued directives to all (50) states to prepare to di…
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