Macron and Trump compete over “brain dead” and other matters

Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 5 December 2019

image for Macron and Trump compete over “brain dead” and other matters
Miss Bum Bum contest coming to your neighborhood soon

On the heels of an unsavory moment with Mr. Macron, Mr. Trudeau, and Mr. Johnson at the G-7 summit in London, Mr. Trump has angrily denied he will give a closing press conference.

Recently, Mr. Macron is on record as having said NATO is “brain dead,” whereas Mr. Trump in 2016 merely said it was “obsolete.”

For Mr. Trump, “brain dead” is much worse.

He said this statement is “insulting” whereas his goal is only to increase how other countries financially support NATO.

More money to NATO means more pressure on Russia’s borders and such activities.

“We should not use brain dead as an expression in politics,” Mr. Trump said.

“And let’s also consider the size and stability of my own brain.”

But all this followed the moment when the Macron, Trudeau, Johnson trio were off by themselves with private jokes at Mr. Trump’s expense.

Mr. Trudeau murmured that the American president’s lateness was due to all the news conferences he was giving.

Macron and Johnson responded unintelligibly, although some observers thought Mr. Macron had said Mr. Trump needed time “to get his brain in order.”

Mr. Trump has at this time rejoined that Mr. Trudeau is “two-faced,” and a controversy swirls over twitter on this matter.

And Macron? He offers a challenge to the American president!

Various female judges will be called upon to judge a professional competition between Mr. Macron and Mr. Trump.

Lady Emma Arbuthnot, formerly Chief Magistrate in charge of extradition proceedings for Julian Assange; Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany; and the current Miss Bum Bum, Suzy Cortez, have been highly recommended to the panel.

Although overall physically smaller than the US president, Mr. Macron contends that in certain departments he is definitely the larger, and that includes not at all “brain dead” or in any other way “impotent.”

On the other hand, Mr. Macron contends, small, as in the case of Mr. Trump’s hands, is a dead giveaway to “littleness” in various additional anatomical areas.

“Our brains can be measured, the flow of synapses around the neuronal activity, the speed of thought and response—all measurable.”

“We will see who might be more facile and nimble in this respect!”

The question is whether there are other, measurable areas of the anatomy, subject to objective verification (size, weight, speed) by a panel of qualified judges.

Miss Bum Bum:

“Well, I am ready to assist,” Miss Bum Bum has said.

“Let the others measure, and I will display!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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