The rambling gingerbread man posing as the current Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, performed a radical U-turn today after sensationally pledging to do everything that everybody wants all at the same time. After wolfing down several Kit-Kat Chunkies, he took the podium in Flidwington On Sea village hall, (only bus stop in the village), and said:
"After giving it much consideration, I have decided to just do everything everyone wants all the time. You small woman down the front, what do you want?"
You could tell Gladys Topping, 78, ex-Green Beret, was shocked to be singled out in the crowd of three women waiting at the bus stop when the Prime Minister showed up, but she showed her nerve and posed the PM a testing question saying:
"I’m sick of waiting in the queue at the post office. It’s always the wrong length. It's too long for me to stand in, but it’s too short for me to tell the person behind me about my upcoming “procedures”."
Johnson was quick off the mark though, with his response, firing back:
"Done! No more queues in post offices unless they are just the right length. Yes, you in the funny hat."
Fiona Munch, 67, perm-wearer asked the PM:
"I think you should ban animals which advertise children’s cereal. It’s not Christian. Only through Jesus should our children find succour."
Smiling Johnson nodded:
"Jesus Puffs are a great idea, my lady, and I shall see to it that Tony the Tiger is stricken from our shelves like Corbyn shall be stricken from British politics."
He waited for the applause that never came.
Johnson, who before his speech had being gibbering like a possessed doll at the side of the road, finished with:
"And that, gentlemen, is how you make policy."