BILLINGSGATE POST: In the National Lampoon’s movie “Vacation,” the deceased corpse of Aunt Edna toured the USA tied to the rack of a 1979 Ford LTD driven by Clark Griswold in the family’s iconic vacation trip to Wally World.
Where’s Ruthie? There are rumors afloat that she had been seen crossing America riding the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. Another story had her atop the Idaho Potato truck with The Tater Team touring the country.
Trust me. None of these stories resemble the truth. This past August, Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away without fanfare and was mounted by Forensic Taxidermist, Dr. Billingsgate.
Rather than undergo another divisive hearing that would make the Kavanaugh confirmation look like a harmless pillow fight, President Trump directed Dr. Billingsgate to apply his considerable skills and stuff her like a Thanksgiving turkey.
At the present, she travels around Washington with her handler, a skilled ventriloquist, who stands behind her chair during sessions at the Supreme Court. Occasionally the ventriloquist will ask pithy questions in her behalf. It seems to work, as the other Justices seem unaware that she is dead. Either that, or they are too polite to ask why her lips don’t move.
Slim: “I can believe that. Clarence Thomas’ lips haven’t moved for over two decades. He never asks a question.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. She can’t be replaced if she’s doing her job.”