Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 15 April 2019

BILLINGSGATE POST: That bearded guy pushing Tiger Woods’ mother aside so he could be the first to hug Tiger after he holed his putt at Augusta seemed familiar. Wearing the same pajamas he was seen wearing as he was escorted from the Ecuadorian Embassy last week, somehow the resourceful Assange had evaded British authorities and scored a ticket for Sunday’s final round at Augusta.

With nothing to do since he was granted asylum in the Ecuadorian Embassy seven years ago, he set up a miniature golf course in his quarters. Watching endless golf lessons via the internet, he became an expert chipper and putter.

Tiger was always his man. He identified with the Striped One and wanted to help him with his short game. In an interview after his victory, Tiger personally thanked Julian for his help in overcoming his putting yips.

“Without Julian’s help, I wouldn’t be here. Thank God he was able to share this victory with me. I intend to put him on my team as soon as he works out his problems with extradition.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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