Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 23 December 2018

image for Man Begrudgingly Went To Xmas Party, But Ended Up Being The Life And Soul Of It
All the best

An office clerk in New York who was not in the right frame of mind to enjoy himself at the firm's annual Christmas party, eventually gave in to the overwhelming pressure of his friends and went along.

Ed Reeperbahn, 26, an accountant at Stronk and Whippet, had endured a hard month of late nights and difficult caseloads, as well as having split from his long-time girlfriend, and wasn't feeling very festive. When his work colleagues wouldn't give up pleading with him to go with them to the Xmas Bash, however, he finally shrugged his weary shoulders, and agreed to go "for thirty minutes".

When they arrived at the party, on the 16th floor, it seemed as if every one of the firm's 2,000 staff members were present.

Ed, who, it's fair to say, doesn't mind the 'odd beer', started cautiously, but was soon rat-arsed. He smoked a joint with Bert from the office, then took a selection of pills offered to him by Barbara from Reception, who played with his zip as he swallowed them. He became involved in an embrace with Sonja from the Typing Pool, and they adjourned to an unused storeroom with Heather, another typist.

This trio were joined by another couple, before emerging an hour later, dressed in each other's clothes. They made illicit and unauthorized use of the photocopier, and put the company switchboard 'out of order' forever.

They then gained access to the office of Mr Stronk, the manager, and Reeperbahn defecated in his drawer, and urinated in the tropical fishtank. In the communal lounge on the 12th floor, he threw the TV out of the window.

Speaking later from his police cell, Reeperbahn told himself:

"Merry Christmas, and a happy new job."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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