Giant Red Spider Crawled Over Man's Legs As He Took A Dump

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 1 June 2019

image for Giant Red Spider Crawled Over Man's Legs As He Took A Dump
More of an insect, really, but so what?

A giant red spider caused a certain amount of alarm yesterday, when it crawled out from under the toilet seat and over the legs of a man who was taking a crap.

The man, Bruce Warner, a resident of Crook Springs in western Australia, had raced to his bathroom when he realized that he had little time left before his underwear became soiled, and sat down on the toilet without looking under its seat - a major oversight in Australian Toilet Etiquette.

Almost immediately, according to Bruce, the threatening-looking beast showed itself, but the 47-year-old remained calm.

"I reached over an' opened a beer," he said, adding "I allus keep one handy in differents parts of the house. Y'never know when y'gonna need one."

He glanced through a cricket magazine as he waited.

The spider crawled over Warner's left thigh, then into his crotch area, where it stopped and seemed to savor the air for a few moments. Then it hurried on, crossing his tackle, before scurrying across his right thigh, and down under the toilet seat again.

Said the Aussie:

"Toilet rules in Oz are 'leave the dunny seat up', then y'can be sure nonna these liddle barsteds are hiding underneath it! I'll be more careful next time."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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