Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 1 April 2019

image for Seagulls To Be Wiped Out After BBC Live Baby Turtle Death
Business is business

Television viewers of the BBC One program “Blue Planet Live,” jammed the broadcaster's switchboard on Sunday night, after witnessing a horrifying attack by a seagull on a baby sea turtle during a live broadcast.

The seagull swooped in on a precision trajectory, and grabbed the supposedly 'protected' baby turtle in its beak, before wheeling away making a kind of laughing sound.

The show's presenter, Liz Bonnin, didn't mince her words, and called for seagulls to be "wiped from the face of the Earth", and social media erupted with calls for a cull of the seabirds, who are also loathed by trawlermen.

Only last week, a boy in Dudley - 100 miles from the sea - was attacked and chased by a seagull, which tried to steal his burger. Passers-by helped to beat it to death with big sticks.

Leonard Skittings, of the RSPCB, said:

"They are beautiful, graceful birds, but they can get a bit rumbunctious."

But others said that the seagull was "only doing what comes naturally", and, on a personal level, could probably sympathise with the baby turtle.

Despite this, massed ranks of baby sea turtle supporters were, this morning, marching to seaside towns, armed to the teeth, intent on getting rid of seagulls once-and-for-all, so that they no longer try to peck at children's ice creams, or poke their beaks into discarded bags of chips.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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