Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 28 November 2018

image for US Warships On Way To Sentinel Island To Retrieve The Body Of John Allen Chau
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US President, Donald Trump, has told a press conference at the White House that the murder of the American citizen, John Allen Chau, by North Sentinel islanders was "unacceptable", and that his body should be handed over immediately if the savages do not want a "big problem".

At the same time, he gave orders for the American fleet to sail for the North Sentinel island in the Andaman Sea, with orders to:

"Get our man back, then blow the place to shit!"

Mr Chau, 27, decided to visit the Sentinelese at their island home, in an attempt to introduce them to Christianity, but the Sentinelese were busy, and introduced him to bows and arrows.

Chau's youthful exuberance, and passion for religion went against the grain for the Sentinelese, who care nothing for such trivia, and concern themselves solely with staying alive. The tribe shun contact with the outside world, and people like Chau, and who can blame them?

The island, which falls under the 'jurisdiction' of India, is protected, so that the people's way of life can be preserved free from interference by others who would destroy it, with stuff like Christianity.

President Trump, however, was adamant, and has despatched three warships and a large flotilla of support vessels to the area, with orders to retrieve Mr Chau's corpse. Said Trump:

"We can't afford to let these people go bullying us like this. The next thing you know, they'll be turning up in a caravan on our shores. Time to ruh-mble!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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