During a press conference this morning, a general feeling of apathy overcame the press corp.
One correspondent remarked, "We're in shock. We just can't take any more drama."
The president was noticeably irritated by the sight of several reporters yawning, and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED."
The commander of the formerly free world then pulled a week old immigrant baby from beneath his podium, and on live TV, took the crying infant's head clean off in a single bite.
As the mad man was covered in spurting blood, he added, "I'll show you fake news!"
A Republican spokesman said the president's actions would have far reaching benefits for the economy, and then gave the camera a wink.
