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Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

Funny story: Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

THE VATICAN—Pope Francis, in his new encyclical Masturbationes Licit, has now opened the practice of masturbation to some, but not all, Catholics. Said Pope Francis, “Given that our esteemed clergy appear to have—how do you say?—too much unrequited...

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RSPCA Calls for Government Action on Spanking the Monkey

Funny story: RSPCA Calls for Government Action on Spanking the Monkey

"It's a cruel and unnecessary practice, and we need to get a grip on it," said Mr Eric J. Throbbing-Gristle, Chief Inspector of The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "I am talking about the passion for monkey spanking as exhibit...

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South African Government Minister Confirms What Everyone Thinks of Politicians

Funny story: South African Government Minister Confirms What Everyone Thinks of Politicians

South Africa's security services have been accused of hacking a politician's phone after a private sex tape emerged. South Africans are gleefully sharing the video on WhatsApp and Home Affairs Minister Mr Gigaba apologised on Twitter to his family af...

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Phil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank

Funny story: Phil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank

Phil Collins is a 67 year old bald man best known for playing drums and sometimes yelping along. He is also an "Incel" or involuntarily celibate person, and he has a message for other Incels like him. "I never lost me virginity nor nuffing until I...

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Masturbation Study Results Published

Funny story: Masturbation Study Results Published

The results of a year-long study on the ancient art of masturbation have been published in this month's completely fictitious science magazine 'Quirky Science Monthly'. Science students at Manchester University recorded data produced by 1,100 part...

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Global masturbating officially acknowledged by the WHO and UN as folks-sport Nr1!

Funny story: Global masturbating officially acknowledged by the WHO and UN as folks-sport Nr1!

Way back in the 1960's when the world officially acknowledged that people did have sex with each other, it caused a "Sexual Revolution" and the rest is history! After roughly 50 years of officially jumping in and out of bed with whoever one wishes...

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Non wankers website is proving very handy for Tossers!

Funny story: Non wankers website is proving very handy for Tossers!

A website especially designed for men, not women, to avoid masturbating, is gathering in popularity as it offers males inclined to enter the world of 'tossers' a hands-on method of reducing the temptation! It's called, NOFAP, which nobody on the p...

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EagleCam Temporarily Shut Down After Teen Eagle Seen Masturbating

Funny story: EagleCam Temporarily Shut Down After Teen Eagle Seen Masturbating

Minneapolis, MN: The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources' "DNR EagleCam Live Stream" was temporarily shut down last night after the video stream showed a male teenage Bald Eagle masturbating. The DNR has been inundated with telephone calls and...

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Trump Refused by Own Penis

Funny story: Trump Refused by Own Penis

Some thought it would be the stress of becoming the leader of the Free World, handling illegal immigration, badgering from Bernie Sanders or wrangling with the Democrats that would have driven President Donald Trump to take a "nice little rest" in a...

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Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated

Funny story: Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated

AUSTIN--Gov. Greg Abbott signed into law what the Texas legislature has deemed the "Save Our Sperm Law," which, Abbott said after signing the legislation, "will give voice to the unconcepted among us." The new law (in part an addition to Texas Adm...

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Texas Requires Men Who Masturbate To Have Burial Services For ALL Of Thier Unborn Children

Funny story: Texas Requires Men Who Masturbate To Have Burial Services For ALL Of Thier Unborn Children

In Earth, Texas, 15 year old Jess Mobley is like a lot of teenage boys: he plays sports and likes video games, and like other boys his age, he masturbates a lot and often has wet dreams--but under new "Sanctity of Life" laws already enacted in Texas,...

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University Student Ejaculates Through Open Feminist "Safe-Space" Window

Funny story: University Student Ejaculates Through Open Feminist "Safe-Space" Window

Eugene, Oregon - A University of Oregon program to provide "safe-spaces" for male masturbators started off with good intentions but backfired thanks to a failure of foresight in positioning the safe-space male masturbation room adjacent to a feminist...

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Archaeologists unearth Jesus' wank flannel

Funny story: Archaeologists unearth Jesus' wank flannel

It has been hailed as the greatest religious artefact since the Turin shroud. Biblical archaelogists digging in Montana, USA, believe they have found the cloth that Jesus Christ used to mop up his masturbatory ejaculations. Some scholars have ques...

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Remains of 74 Year Old Nun Found In Woods

Funny story: Remains of 74 Year Old Nun Found In Woods

The mysterious disappearance of Mother Helen Graham four years ago have been solved. She was last seen alive on a nature trail in the Angeles National Forest when she strolled away to look at a cactus flower. Her friend Sister Ellen Turner said, "she...

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HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

Funny story: HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

WASHINGTON, DC - The federal government is seeking to ban masturbation in all of the nation's 13.2 million public housing units. In its proposed rule, announced Thursday, the Department of Housing and Urban Development would require more than 3,10...

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Teenager lends laptop he used for masturbation 10 minutes earlier to mother

CLEVELAND, OH--Hoping for the best, local teenager Nate Bannington handed his laptop computer--which he had used 10 minutes earlier for masturbation--to his mother, Dorothy Bannington. "I just got back from school and I had some free time on my h...

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Don't masturbate or your hand will get pregnant

Funny story: Don't masturbate or your hand will get pregnant

Men who masturbate have been given a dire warning by a Muslim televangelist who claimed live on TV that they will find their hands PREGNANT in the afterlife. Mucahid Cihad Han made the bizarre statement in a question and answer session on a radica...

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Man deemed too fat to wank gets relief from NHS

Funny story: Man deemed too fat to wank gets relief from NHS

Bernard Buttspike, 44, is arguably the UK's fattest man at a gut-busting 71 stone. Bernard, who has never had a job and who is estimated to have received over half a million pounds in benefits over the last 25 years, has long claimed that he is 't...

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