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Funny story: Amazon workers' fury over timed masturbation breaks

Amazon workers' fury over timed masturbation breaks

Workers employed by online retail giants, Amazon, have reacted furiously to the company’s latest directive which stipulates that every employee has to adhere to a strict two-minute limit when masturbating in the workplace, whether it be in the toilet...

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Funny story: Local Resident Constantly Finding It Difficult To Masturbate In "Newly Purchased" Haunted House

Local Resident Constantly Finding It Difficult To Masturbate In "Newly Purchased" Haunted House

Grand Rapids, Michigan. Sources confirmed Wednesday that Nathan Harbor, 57, is having profound difficulty masturbating in his newly-purchased home due to the fact that it's severely haunted. The CEO of International Wood Products, Inc. stated t...

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Funny story: Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

THE VATICAN—Pope Francis, in his new encyclical Masturbationes Licit, has now opened the practice of masturbation to some, but not all, Catholics. Said Pope Francis, “Given that our esteemed clergy appear to have—how do you say?—too much unrequited...

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Funny story: RSPCA Calls for Government Action on Spanking the Monkey

RSPCA Calls for Government Action on Spanking the Monkey

"It's a cruel and unnecessary practice, and we need to get a grip on it," said Mr Eric J. Throbbing-Gristle, Chief Inspector of The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "I am talking about the passion for monkey spanking as exhibit...

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Funny story: South African Government Minister Confirms What Everyone Thinks of Politicians

South African Government Minister Confirms What Everyone Thinks of Politicians

South Africa's security services have been accused of hacking a politician's phone after a private sex tape emerged. South Africans are gleefully sharing the video on WhatsApp and Home Affairs Minister Mr Gigaba apologised on Twitter to his family af...

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Funny story: Phil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank

Phil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank

Phil Collins is a 67 year old bald man best known for playing drums and sometimes yelping along. He is also an "Incel" or involuntarily celibate person, and he has a message for other Incels like him. "I never lost me virginity nor nuffing until I...

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Funny story: Masturbation Study Results Published

Masturbation Study Results Published

The results of a year-long study on the ancient art of masturbation have been published in this month's completely fictitious science magazine 'Quirky Science Monthly'. Science students at Manchester University recorded data produced by 1,100 part...

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Funny story: Global masturbating officially acknowledged by the WHO and UN as folks-sport Nr1!

Global masturbating officially acknowledged by the WHO and UN as folks-sport Nr1!

Way back in the 1960's when the world officially acknowledged that people did have sex with each other, it caused a "Sexual Revolution" and the rest is history! After roughly 50 years of officially jumping in and out of bed with whoever one wishes...

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Funny story: Non wankers website is proving very handy for Tossers!

Non wankers website is proving very handy for Tossers!

A website especially designed for men, not women, to avoid masturbating, is gathering in popularity as it offers males inclined to enter the world of 'tossers' a hands-on method of reducing the temptation! It's called, NOFAP, which nobody on the p...

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Funny story: EagleCam Temporarily Shut Down After Teen Eagle Seen Masturbating

EagleCam Temporarily Shut Down After Teen Eagle Seen Masturbating

Minneapolis, MN: The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources' "DNR EagleCam Live Stream" was temporarily shut down last night after the video stream showed a male teenage Bald Eagle masturbating. The DNR has been inundated with telephone calls and...

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Funny story: Trump Refused by Own Penis

Trump Refused by Own Penis

Some thought it would be the stress of becoming the leader of the Free World, handling illegal immigration, badgering from Bernie Sanders or wrangling with the Democrats that would have driven President Donald Trump to take a "nice little rest" in a...

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Funny story: Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated

Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated

AUSTIN--Gov. Greg Abbott signed into law what the Texas legislature has deemed the "Save Our Sperm Law," which, Abbott said after signing the legislation, "will give voice to the unconcepted among us." The new law (in part an addition to Texas Adm...

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Funny story: Texas Requires Men Who Masturbate To Have Burial Services For ALL Of Thier Unborn Children

Texas Requires Men Who Masturbate To Have Burial Services For ALL Of Thier Unborn Children

In Earth, Texas, 15 year old Jess Mobley is like a lot of teenage boys: he plays sports and likes video games, and like other boys his age, he masturbates a lot and often has wet dreams--but under new "Sanctity of Life" laws already enacted in Texas,...

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Funny story: University Student Ejaculates Through Open Feminist "Safe-Space" Window

University Student Ejaculates Through Open Feminist "Safe-Space" Window

Eugene, Oregon - A University of Oregon program to provide "safe-spaces" for male masturbators started off with good intentions but backfired thanks to a failure of foresight in positioning the safe-space male masturbation room adjacent to a feminist...

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Funny story: Archaeologists unearth Jesus' wank flannel

Archaeologists unearth Jesus' wank flannel

It has been hailed as the greatest religious artefact since the Turin shroud. Biblical archaelogists digging in Montana, USA, believe they have found the cloth that Jesus Christ used to mop up his masturbatory ejaculations. Some scholars have ques...

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Funny story: Remains of 74 Year Old Nun Found In Woods

Remains of 74 Year Old Nun Found In Woods

The mysterious disappearance of Mother Helen Graham four years ago have been solved. She was last seen alive on a nature trail in the Angeles National Forest when she strolled away to look at a cactus flower. Her friend Sister Ellen Turner said, "she...

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Funny story: HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

WASHINGTON, DC - The federal government is seeking to ban masturbation in all of the nation's 13.2 million public housing units. In its proposed rule, announced Thursday, the Department of Housing and Urban Development would require more than 3,10...

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