No, masturbating will not make you blind! Masturbation is a normal and healthy sexual activity that many people engage in. It is a natural way of exploring one's own body and sexual desires, and it has several physical and mental health benefits.
Dr. Futuro is studying male reproduction at the Male Sperm Institute - and gives talks there. His latest talk is jokingly termed “To wank, or not to wank” (The Dr. always likes to give a shocking title to his Talks.) This was something Hamlet prob…
SHEBOYGAN, Wisconsin - (Satire News) - Tittle Tattle Tonight reporter Pico de Gallo reports that a Wisconsin bartender is one very unhappy camper. De Gallo stated that Migno Millakooni, 39, recently found a 12-inch vibrator in his wife, Zully's un…
A 39-year-old mother of two from Whitechapel in East London was forced to turn back ten minutes into a car journey after her 16-year-old son complained that he hadn’t masturbated before leaving home. Tracy Dell from Vallance Road, told The East Lo…
Police swooped into a Wetherspoon's early this morning to arrest a male suspected of wanking in a public toilet that is marked Disabled Only. Police say after breaking the door down with brutal force they entered to find the man on his back with…
The Hennepin County Attorney’s Office in Minnesota yesterday filed a complaint against Frank Towers, 44, after the man initiated an altercation with TSA employees. Investigators say the incident happened at the skyway checkpoint early last Friday mo…
England continue to achieve great success as a bunch of 'Wankers' after successfully leaving the EU as renowned 'Tossers!' They now have won a gold medal at the alternative Olympics held in 'Willy Wanker Land' better known as Vatican City! Several…
The next iteration of the fantastically successful world of Marble super-heroes will feature a new addition to the pantheon, the Toobinator, modelled loosely on the CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin, infamous for masturbating on a Zoom call with his c…
Chuck Bonica, President of the American Compulsive Masturbators Association (ACMA) has been an openly proud masturbator for the bulk of his 60 years. As the ACMA annual convention wrapped up this morning, Chuck was happy to report it was a big su…
A mysterious eruption originating from beneath the Budget Inn just outside of Indianapolis interrupted the keynote "squeaker" at the 34th Annual World Wide Masturbators Convention today. The eruption happened on the first full day of the conventi…
Late yesterday, the Weifang Packada Eco-friendly Technology Corporation announced it has completed field-testing for a “penis-friendly” popcorn container. The container, designated as the WADAWAY21™ has undergone trials in 14 markets around the w…
Most people can recall their first sexual experience, but judging from the responses to the 2021 Postcards from the Pug Bus Sex Survey, not everyone puts a smiley face on that memory. A total of 1,167 people responded to the Pug Bus survey. This pene…
A man who is a confirmed habitual masturbator has told friends on social media of a recent incident in which an overzealous tug resulted in an 'unexpected outcome', when a blob of semen spurted out of his Jap's Eye into a corresponding orifice on his…
(NOT EDITED) Scientist studying anti-social human behaviour during lockdown have discovered that many taboo habits should now be fully accepted as NORMAL (Whatever that is!). The study looked at all age categories from teeny to OAP and came up wit…
A Fort Lauderdale man postponed a highly anticipated wank after realizing that he ran the risk of getting caught in the act by either his wife, his daughter or the guy who 'does the garden'. The man, whose identity cannot be revealed, had planned…
Many Valentine's Day traditions are modern, commercial and trashy - the giving of cards, the pressure to send flowers - these are all recent inventions. Yet there is one popular tradition that is still going and started all the way back with St Valen…
A male intern administrative assistant working in the Capitol Building in Washington DC has walked in on his boss, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, masturbating in her office, according to unverified rumors circulating online. Marvin Shawshank says hi…
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