Cristiano Ronaldo Rape Case Is Payback For Wayne Rooney World Cup Sending-off

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 3 October 2018

image for Cristiano Ronaldo Rape Case Is Payback For Wayne Rooney World Cup Sending-off
A woman farting in a jacuzzi

Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese footballer currently playing in Italy for Juventus, is in trouble over an 'association' he had with a woman in the US in 2009.

But do you remember him helping to get Wayne Rooney sent off in that England v. Portugal World Cup match in Germany in 2006?

Ronaldo invited Kathryn Mayorga and her friends back to his penthouse suite at the Palms Hotel and Casino, after they'd met at the Rain nightclub. She went along, and was just getting changed to plop into his jacuzzi when Ronaldo got frisky and did something against her will.

You remember! The needless, protest to the ref, and then that little wink to the touchline...and they were Manchester United teammates!

When Ronaldo realised what he'd done, he apologised, and legal action was averted when she accepted a $375,000 'shut-your-mouth pay-off'. Sweet.

Rooney's dismissal was a huge blow, and England went home early from that tournament. And yet, Ronaldo was still welcomed back at Old Trafford!

Now, however, Kathryn has decided to 'do the right thing', so that 'justice' can be done. Some think she may have asked Ronaldo for a further payment, which the footballer then refused. And, to be fair, it was less than a month's pay back in 2009, and it's a mere week's wages now.

The equivalent of YOU bumraping some woman, and having to stump up around £200.

We can expect nothing less than a jail term, then? For the wink, I mean.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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