Moscow State Ensemble is to produce a brand new Christmas pantomime entitled, Planet of the Poison Dwarf. Guess who is playing the leading role of Putrid the Poison Dwarf, none other than the great leader himself, chosen from the single candidate who applied for the part, Vlad the impaler Putin. A choice welcomed by his three adoring fans.
Some high ranking government officials believe that this attempt to revive his flagging popularity is a step too far. Even the generals are all looking a little glum and long faced as their leader continues to make an arse of himself on the international stage.
Rumours have been spreading about the fate of several of his former boyfriends who are being held captive in the Kremlin dungeons, lest they come clean about his chronic erectile problem and the triple doses of Viagra he has been using for several years
The side effects from the excessive use of the drug may well be the reason for the irrational paranoia about his macho image. The best kept secrets always come to the surface and it is rumoured that he has been using his unfortunate castoffs on which to test the latest nerve agents. Goodness only knows how the nerve agents are being administered to the poor things.
His hard working scientists are striving day and night to produce an undetectable nerve agent so he can poison all of his many hated enemies in the civilised west. So watch out Donald, in case they come up trumps with the perfect weapon.