BILLINGSGATE POST: Yielding to pressure from the media to address what she would do to cut the cost of groceries, Kamala Harris told a gathering of Ottumwa, Iowa hog farmers that if elected, she would reduce the size of Americans by 50%.
“In World War II, the average height of our soldiers was 5 feet 8 inches. Now it is over 6 feet. Just look at the giants in the NFL and NBA. Our planet cannot support these humongous carnivores. I will support legislation to limit the height of future generations to a maximum of 3 feet; a 50% reduction.”
Hog farmer Slim Everdingle: “What about my hawgs? They gonna be taller than those dudes.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. And better looking.”
Harris: Theoretically, If we could cut the size of Americans by half, they would only eat half as much; thus cutting their food costs by 50%. Also, our planet’s resources would last twice as long.”
Slim: “Sounds good on paper. How ya gonna do that?”
Harris: “if I’m elected president, on the first day I will ease the immigration laws limiting the number of Pygmy dwarves allowed in the country. Then I will prohibit anyone taller than 3 feet from mating.”
Slim: “What about my hawgs? Who’s gonna eat all those pork chops?
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Why not hang them around the necks of all your ugly liberals friends so their dogs will play with them.”
Slim: “Now you're talking.”
